Because I love you ♥ von abgemeldet (-Let's take a walk in the snow...no need to know where we go-) ================================================================================ Kapitel 1: 1st December - 3rd December -------------------------------------- 01. December- Ju(dith) -This is the story of a girl: How many days in the year, she woke up with hope, but she only found tears- When I woke up I was realizing that the December had just begun...last month of a crazy, lonely year... Oh, New York's such a beautiful city in december, you know?! The big christmas tree in front of the Rockefeller Center and all that stuff! Whatever you look at, there're lights everywhere in town! It's simply beautiful. Shiny, glitzy, glittery... I'd love to stand there while it snows. Just one time, when it seems like life's in a rush and you're the only one who's staying behind to savour the moment... It would simply not appear that I got the time to stand there doing nothing but enjoy, though. It isn't that easy to be in school, go to work (-Yes, I'm working in a Starbucks Coffee Shop to get some money) and still have enough time to have fun out there. You have to know: I'm living on my own in a little flat (together with my American Cocker Spaniel Sulky)....so I neither have the money to wear all those expensive clothes a rich girl can (but do I care?- NO! Life offers you so much more than clothes! I don't need this to be happy) nor the time to hang out with my two friends Rachel and Eve every day. Thats the reason why I'm so lonely sometimes. Eve and Rachel are so lovely, but I'd like to have... someone to love. The one I had never understood that I'm busy working and so on. I wasn't able to spend all my time with him so he broke up our relationship. After that I stopped searching for someone to unterstand me. Rachel says I need to keep my eyes open, the right boy would be out there searching for me... but I don't think I'm this special to be found. I don't look somehow special. I'm all normal. Or at least that's what I'm thinking? Okay. Not every girl my age is living alone because she were left behind by her family, but from the outside I'm very much like every other girl. Black and wavy hair, blue eyes, tall... Who would search for me? Forever alone... Doesn't matter, does it? So... today was like every other day. School wasn't special anyway and in the afternoon I had some time to relax. I was simply doing nothing. That's the only thing I want to do when I'm not working at Starbucks...There was homework to do, though. And what was Sulky doing? Playing around on my books! She's so high-spirited sometimes...and turns everything topsy-turvy! She's lovely, isn't she? Ahahahaha... "Sulky, out of my bed! NOW! ... You little... stop it! Not my pillow! Pleeaasee! Naughty naughty dog! No, don't run away... You make me crazy! You hear me?! Crazy!..." I'd like to know how long it takes her to become reasonably... maybe she'll never be. That would just be suitable for her. I'm talking about my whole life! Why?... As I said, today was a day to relax and nothing special happend... End of day. 02. December- Ju(dith) -Forever's gonna stop tonight- What a crazy day! After school I had to work for some hours and then I went for a walk with Sulky. If I wouldn't she would become crazy. That's why I'm often in the Central Park... but I never saw him before. You would think: Do you know how big that park's?! Why do you wonder about something like that? I'm everyday out there whether it is snowy, sunny, cloudy, windy, rainy ... whatever the weather is like. I know nearly everyone who's recurrent there. That boy was new, though. I feel crazy about him and I don't even now him? Ah, to add, he's cold-hearted. Nothing else. Maybe it's better to start at the beginning: Sulky was chasing a bird while I was sitting on a bench, waiting for her to come back. And waiting... and waiting...and waiting...and waiting... I was worried after a while, so I stood up to search for her. Why does it have to be so cold (and why's my dog running alone through the Central Park?!) ... I was getting sulky and strolled around like an idiot, calling: "Sulky!? Sulky, come back, please! I'm cold!.." Then he came out of nowhere- followed by my lazy dog! I couldn't say anything. I didn't know who I am and where I'm from... I didn't know anything as if I had a black out. His eyes were so dreamly. He stared into my eyes, maybe even curious? I was having a hard time to breath. Before I was finally able to say something he was already gone. How rude! Whatever... I went home and here I am now, holding a little slip of paper (I found it buckled under Sulky's collar) in my hands which says: "Don't be too resentful. See you next time. Zero" Who do you think he is? Don't be to resentful... as if he knew what I would feel like after he ran away without letting me thank him... I was curious if I would meet him again someday, though. He was different from the boy I knew... 02. December- Zero) -This is a dream, maybe you'll stay with me- Nice day. I met a crazy (in a positive way) girl in the Central Park. I haven't been there for years... No way I would have thought of somethingt like that to happen when I entered the park. I just wanted to think about some things, to be alone. My latest girlfriend was going on my nerves. How can one person can be this arrogant?!- I already know: She's a cheerleader and her daddy always kisses the pavement she walks on. My family has got a lot of money, too, but if I would behave like that... My dad always wanted me to stay on the ground. My mother's ... she's more like Scarlette... and me? I'm trying to live my life the way I want to. Just like every other teenager. So I walked trough the park looking for nothing when I stumbled. There was a small dog next to my feet. I looked at him for a moment without knowing what to do. When he ran away I found myself following him... There she was. I didn't know who she was, but she looked so lovely without putting on make-up... I left her alone before I was blushing or something like that. I buckled a slip of paper beneath the dog's collar, though. (Good to always have a pen with me... and accidently the piece of paper Scarlette gave me with her "Oh, I love you so much..."-stuff.) I think from now on I'll spend more time in the Central Park...I need to see her again! 03. December- Ju(dith) -Love is more than just a game for two- I told Rachel and Eve what had happened yesterday. Both of them were smiling. "What a sweet story! You'll meet him again, won't you?!" Rachel really was overreacting and thats what Eve told her right away. Eve always says what she's thinking like Rachel always overreacts. Both of them are a little bit strange but lovely... "What are you talking about? I don't even know his name?! ... You're ridiculous!", I said. "I'm not ...!" We started to argue. Eve was just laughing at us all the time. Finally I said: "I'd like to see him again. I don't think I'm will, though....and even if I'll do there's no chance about him dating me or something like that, you know? He seems to be one of those popular boys who's leader of the soccer team or something like that. I'd bet he already has a girlfriend..." "Why do you always have to be so pessimistic?...", was all Eve said. I only told them the truth. Why dreaming of something that will never be. I surrendered and went home. My flat looked like everyday. Sulky had been enjoying herself. The apartment was muddled up by her and she was even proud of her mayhem. "Oh no! Not again ... how often do I have to tell you not to... -Hey, wait a sec: Where's my skirt?! I have to go to work in an hour!" I was right behind her when Sulky began to run away... Kapitel 2: 5th December - 6th December -------------------------------------- 05. December- Zero -What if I say if I'm not like the others? What if I say I'm not just another boy?- Finally saw that girl from the park again- this time in a Starbucks... I went outside to take a walk and passed the coffee shop, thinking about to whether or not buying a coffee. I really was waiting for nothing when I saw her. I didn't know what to do- I was somehow puzzled. Since I met her I changed a lot. Or at least that's what I'm thinking. There were never ever problems to say what I want or don't, what I was thinking, to be just who I am... Until now. She makes me feel strange, so the only thing I can think of is leave that girl alone whenever I meet her... I stayed outside, sitting on a bench, simply staring at her while I was thinking about just walk away. Did she saw me there?- Maybe... After a while I was so cold, I just had to drink some hot chocolate. I entered the shop, ordered and smiled at her when she finally seemed to remeber me...I went outside, sat down at the bench again and waited for her to get home. This time I won't run away like the other times. It feels so wrong. The running-away stuff I mean. She has to work a lot, I thought after a while... (That was just because I had to wait about three hours!? I wonder why she even has to work. Normal teenagers have parents who give 'em some pocket money...) When she finally came out, she laughed unsure at me: "Ehm...hello? May I ask you what you're waiting for?" Her voice was so lovely, I was feeling warm for a moment (to add: it was 39°F....pretty cold for someone who just wears a sweater and jeans, sitting some hours on a cold bench!). She was blushing as soon as she had finished her sentence "To be honest...", I began. What to say? I noticed how weird it would sound if I told her right away "I'm waiting just for you, dear!" ... so I said: "...For nobody...I'm waiting for nothing at all." Now she smiled a cooky smile while she said: "Never mind... but aren't you cold?" Just in time I felt even more cold. "Don't have to care 'bout me."- "Okay...?" She started to walk away. "Yeah... you are the girl who wasn't able to take care of her dog, aren't you?" She continued to walk, so I followed her. "It isn't my fault that Sulky is always doing what she likes to. By the way thanks for showing her the way back to me that day. She's so...whatever. Hey, why did you disappear right there anyway?! Before I had the chance to say thanks? Why did you have to leave me that piece of paper?!" Was she upset? I didn't know. She turned around to face me. I said nothing at all. I was thinking 'bout some things who were rushing through my head at once, while I looked at her. Oh man, I'm such an idiot! What am I doing here? I'm still having a girlfriend (I have to break up with her! Scarlette really asked me if she looks pretty. I don't know? There's too much make-up! It isn't for sure either that the colour of her eyes is green!) "What's up? Something in my face?! I'm talking to you, you know?" ...She was as puzzled as I was, she smiled, though. I was back to normal, now trying to make her understand my situation in park. "Let me ask you a few questions first, okay?...What's my name?" She glared at me- dazzled. "It's... Zero, isn't it?", she answered right away. She seems to be a person who says everything right away. I like that. It's better than keeping secrets like I do, actually. "You see? If I'd just let you thank me and so on... you would not remember my name. You would not know it, because you would never have asked me. You seemed to be a kind girl, so I didn't want you to forget me right away. That's all...Have a nice day or whatever..." The two of us already had started to walk again, but now she suddenly stopped, turning around again, distrustful. "Liar...How can you...?!"- "I'm not. I sound like an idiot, I know. I really know...Anyway believe in what you want to. I'm going home- now. It's way to cold." I left her again, this time throwing a piece of paper at the pavement. If she wants to meet me again sometime, she would take it with her. If not, then not. I looked back, seeing that she hold it in her hands, staring after me. I smiled. Let's see if she'll call. 06. December- Ju(dith) -I don't wanna put on my make-up just like every girl in the magazine, that's not who I am when I wake up- that's not who I wanna be- "... I won't. I just can't! Rachel don't make me do this. Please!" I told her everything. Don't ask me why... Why do I always have to make the same mistakes? Now she wants me to call him. Today! Right now... I had no idea what to say if he answers the telephone. Both of us would be silent. What if he has a girlfriend, if she would be the one answering the phone? "I'm just.. I'm just... Forget about me. I never ecxisted..." "Don't be like this! I know you like him. He was waiting for you.."- "No, he wasn't!" "He wanted you to remember him!"- "Because he expected to get a present or something like that...?" "You have to be kidding! Don't say something like that ever again, understood!?" Eve grabbed my telephone and the slip of paper with the phone number, locking herself into my bathroom. "No...! Not you, too, Eve!", I screamed, "You won't do that...!?" I heard the sound of the telephone, heard Eve dialing his number. I wanted to say goodbye forever... "Hello? This is Eve speaking, a friend of Judith, you're Zero, right? I wanted to ask you something. You'd like to come over tonight?" Then there was silence. I couldn't believe my ears. That could not be true. It has to be a dream, a nightmare! I never requested her to invite him? Who does she think she is?... "Okay, that's great! It's ..." She told him where to find my flat and then finished her phone call. "Are you crazy or somethin'!?", I shouted at her when she opened the door. "Calm down. You'll thank me someday. Hurry up! Get dressed!" I looked down at myself: I was wearing a black sweater and blue jeans. "... I have no idea what to..." I had no chance to finish the sentence. Rachel shoved me into my room, opening the wardrobe, searching for a nice dress. She picked a red tight long-shirt and black jeans. After I clothed myself, she shoved me into the bathroom, but before she could made myself up, I sneaked out of the room, grabbed my jacket and put on my black boots. I was running out of the door, hurrying down the stairs. Outside I couldn't stop soon enough to not crush into that guy...Zero? He fell, I followed, falling onto him. This can't be real...Life used to be so easy.... 06. December- Zero -I'm so tired of trying to fight this- Outch... Watch out! Girl's gonna hurt you... by smashing you down?! I was on my way to a friend before I found myself lying on the pavement. Ju, the Central-Park-Girl was to blame. She ran out of the door without taking a look at who she's going to crash into. So we fell onto the pavement. Her face was so near to mine...Her lips... she had the lips of an angel: bloody red. Her eyes searched mine, trying to find out if I was angry or something. I wasn't. I just asked myself why she was in such a hurry when she left the house. That's a memory for days anyway- I can feel the pain of tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after... "I'm so sorry...", she muttered, "Did I hurt you, or something?"- "Everything's fine- with me, what about you?" She locked a little bit puzzled. "No need to mention it... I'm sorry for my friends calling you. Forget about it okay?" "Why did they call me anyway?" She stood up so I could, too. "Doesn't really matter..."- "Yes, it does. C'mon. Tell me the truth." "I already told you...!?" Her mood was mixed up, so it seems. Her face was even with a soft smile. At the same time her eyes showed her nervousness and some anger. "You're a bad liar. You're eyes...they give you away..." "You can tell? Now you're the one who lies..." She could not stay in eye contact with me anymore. She took a step away from me. Unfortunatly she stumbled over something, swayed and then began to fall. I grabbed her arm, stopped her fall and pulled her nearer to me than before. She blushed when I looked down into her eyes. Her face was so near to mine, her lips bloody red... 06. December- Ju(dith) -I'm falling even more in love with... I'm hanging by a moment here with you- ... his eyes were deeper than the sea. I closed my eyes, dreaming how much I wanted to kiss him right now, right here. It was so childish... How could I even think of something like that... My eyes stayed close when his lips, smooth as silk, touched softly mine. I shrugged back but he stopped me, pulling me back even closer than before. His arms, protecting me from the people walking reckless through the street, hold me tight. I opened my eyes, looking into his, melting under his gaze. I could barely breath, I never wanted to end this kiss, though. He leaned in closer before he stopped kissing me. What was going on? Why did he do this? ... There was a feeling deep in me... I wanted to be with him forever...though I could not look back at him. I looked on the ground saying nothing but 'ehm'. I was unsure why he did what he did. And why was I kissing him back as if I had fallen in love with him? "You're allright..? I'm sorry...", he began to apologize. "No. no! Don't say sorry...please don't..." "This makes me confuse. Why are you so quit if you do not regret that you've kissed me back..." He really was confuse. It was understandable. I was acting strange, even for me. "I don't know either. I need to have a drink. Want to come up to my place? If you don't want it's okay..." "Would be nice!" -to be continued- Kapitel 3: 6th December - 15th December --------------------------------------- "Eve? Rachel?...You there?", I said lovely. Both of them ran out of the kitchen like pets or something (Sulky just stayed where she was). "You're back...?!" Rachel gave me a huge hug as if she wanted to say sorry for torturing me. Eve was a bit disappointed of me running away as it seems: "Why were you... Hey who are you!?" "Out of my flat, now!", I whispered angry, pushing them through the door. "Bye, love you!" When the door was closed I finally relaxed. "Welcome in. Sorry for that. Sometimes I need to remind them whose flat it is..." "Okay. You're sure I can stay?", he laughed. "Let me think 'bout it... No! Out!", I said sarcastically,"Want a Coke, too?" 06. December- Zero -Inside I realize that I'm the one confused- "Yeah sure." My eyes wandered through the dark red painted hall when she left me alone, saying: "Have a look- if you want. Won't take long, though." Everything was relative simple, nice-looking though. Black coloured furniture decorated by some white accessoires. I walked slowly through the small hall... There were four rooms, none but the bathroom had a door. The nearest room to me was her bathroom. I was curious if it would look a lot like ours or the one Scarlette has. When I opened the door I was stunned. Not a tons of make-up but a handful welcomed me there. Why was I so surprised by the fact? She looked very natural. I opened a small cabinet. Just some shower, hair ornaments, shampoo and a brush. The mirror had a nice saying on it, written with lipstick: Come, gentle night; come, loving, black-browed night; Give me my Romeo; and, when I shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night... Romeo and Julia... Thoughtful I left her bathroom, closing the door in silence. In the hall again I saw another room: Her room. I was unsure to whether or not take a look. It's a very private one and for her, I'm a stranger. Or at least a stranger kissing her. All I saw were the green walls with a big black rose on it. Creative and lovely... "There you are.", I said while entering the kitchen. "You've got a lovely flat. Though, she's small." "It's big enough for me and Sulky...", she answered somehow sadly. "... Sorry. I didn't want to hurt you or something." There was some reason for why she's living alone. Some reason she won't tell me, even if I wasn't a stranger. "Forgiven and forget..." I sat down next to her drinking some coke, looking at her. "So why did you kicked out your friends?" I had a theory bout that but.... I was too curious. "Is it forbidden to want some privacy while hanging around with a cute guy, who's leaving me everytime I have a million questions in my head which want to be answered?" Cheecky girl. I grinned. "Thank you?..." I leaned forward to kiss her, to feel her warm lips on mine. I loved the way she blushes when I kissed her, as if it's forbidden what she's doing. She came closer until there was no space left between us... 09. December- Zero -Why don't you just go home? You were drowning in the water, so I offered you my hand, I left my heart open, but you didn't understand. But at least I can say I tried. I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life- "Scarlette?", I said while lunch. "We need to talk." "Yeah? What's up?", she said, obviously dreaming of herself. She held a pocket mirror in her left and a lipstick in her right. "It's over. I don't know how I could fall in love with you but.... this isn't love anymore. You just started to go on my nerves. I just wanted to say bye." "What did you just say!? How can you...!?", her angry voice echoed through the cafeteria. "Sorry. You may think I'm heartless but first take a look at your own. Bye, Scarlette." I stood up, leaving her speechless behind. It would be more unfair to betray her and Ju at the same time. "You'll regret it someday!", I heard her shout after me, but I didn't care at all... In the afternoon I went to Starbucks for a coffee. "Hey Ju!" A kiss on her cheek later I ordered an ice coffee, chatting with her while she was working. "How was your day?"- "I'm stressed out... I'm happy when I'm finally home, having some time to relax." "Hmm...", I murmured, having an idea. I took a look on my clock, telling her I had to go. "I'm sorry. See you tomorrow or something?" I could see her sadness as if it had been written on her face, she was trying to hide it, though. "Sorry", I said once again, "Bye!" "Goodbye....", I heard her answer. I walked through New York, dealing the number of the only girl I wanted to talk to right now....who could help me in this situation. 09. December- Ju(dith) -Feel the weight on your shoulder... is there anyone anymore?- My day became a dark hole when he left the coffee shop. I was stressed out. I could not sleep yesterday after he was gone. So much to think about, so many things happened the last few days. The december was a crazy end for such a boring year. It was alright as long as I had someone to talk to these days... When there was half an hour left to work, my cell phone rang. "Hi, Judith!" It was Rachel. "What's up?" Why would she call me during work? "Ehm... would you please come over after you're done? I need somone to talk to and Eve's not at home. Don't ask me where she is this time..."- "You know I'm tired... do I really need to come to your place?" Somehow aggressive she said: "YES!" There was no chance to say I won't come so I gave up on that and said bye. Then I was done with everything I took the subway to Rachel's. When I was finally there I was so tired I just fell into her arms, wanting to sleep right now, right there. "Hey, hey, hey... Ju c'mon!" She pulled me onto her couch before she dealed a phone number. I was half asleep but I still could hear what she was saying. "We need to carry her home. ... Really? Okay, so you'll be here in a few minutes? Eve will tell you where to drive to. See you! ... Sure, sure!" Everything was quit and I felt like I had some head ache. I was completely awake again, though. "Rachel? Tell me, where's Eve? And who's gonna pick me up...?" "Gimme a break! Just relax, you'll see soon enough." A glimmy shine in her eyes told me everything was all right. I closed my eyes once again... "Ju, wake up, it's time to go!" When I opened my eyes I saw Eve and Rachel standing in front of the couch. "What's going on...?" "Ah nothing..", she whispered. I could hear someone else was there listening to what we said. "She needs to rest. Maybe was just the wrong time to do something like that. Thanks anyway. Whatever I'll carry her home. "Zero...?"- "Yes?" I sat up to look into his eyes. "What are you doing here?" I was confuse. He carried me down the stairs and out of the house to the street. When I noticed the hot car which was parked in front of Rachel's place was his, I was speechless. "Oh my gosh..." He opened the door with one hand, leaving me in there... When we were driving to my place, he told me what he was planning so eager. "I wanted to take you to an candle-light dinner at the Devided. As you can see: I just gave up on that. You're really too tired so I'll just bring you home." 09. December- Zero -I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now- "That would have been so expensive? I never could eat in there..." She looked sadly out of the window. "I wanted to make you happy. I've no problem with inviting you because money never was a problem for my family. If it hurts you, I'll..." "It's okay. It is your life so don't worry 'bout me." Her face turned brighter after a while. "Thank you so much for making up your mind to make me happy, but I'm happy enough with you. You're the first guy who's by my side when I want you to be there... I know you could have every girl: Rich, beautiful, a model, ..." I was quit until we were at her place. Then, I leaned over to her and whispered: "All I want is you, Ju...nobody else." We walked up to her door and she searched for her key. I was much faster, opening the door for her, leading her in. "Ju? I love you. This is for you..." 09. December- Ju(dith) -What I like about you, you really hold me tight, tell me I'm the only one, wanna come over tonight, yeah- This was not for real, was it? There were roses everywhere. I took a step forward and another one. "Amazing... it's so lovely." I turned around and danced back to him, kissing him wildly. "I love you, too, you don't know how much."- "Does it matter how much? You should rest, though." "I don't want to be alone... not now. Would asking you to stay tonight be wickedly?" "No, if that's what you want, I'll be right beside you tonight." I jumped up and down like I was a little child on christmas eve. "A few minutes ago you were sleepy like ... like you were." I yawned a few times before he led me into my bedroom. Roses were lying everywhere, too, but this time black ones, fitting just in because of the one on the wall. "I never entered your bedroom before, but the rose was one of the things I kept in mind."- "I thought you would search in every room for dark secrets." My smile was wide when he looked down on me, asking: "Dark secrets? ... You're making me curious!" He batted once, throwing me on my own bed. "Time to sleep, don't you think?"- "Hey, hey, hey! Gimme a break! I need to take a shower first... all the stuff." I stood up once again hurrying into the bathroom. I was in such a rush it took me just 10 minutes to be back into the bedroom. "Zero?", I wondered finding no one there. He came in followed by Sulky. "Sorry, I could not resist. She looked up at me with those sweet eyes wanting something to eat..." When Sulky noticed my gaze, she ran away as fast as she could. "Never mind." After that, I noticed he just wore a boxer shorts this time. His body ... this boy was the perfection himself... 09. Decemer- Zero -When it gets cold outside and you've got nobody to love...is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe- "C'mon girl. Nothing special anyway." I sat down on her bed, waiting for her to join me. She went to the wardrobe, pulling her shirt and blue jeans off to tog into her nighty. Her clothes were distributed among the room. "...finally done? I'm getting tired, too."- "Okay, okay..." She turned around wearing a beautiful red night dress. "You look so lovely...", he said smiling. An embarrassed "Thank you." was her answer before she turned off the light and tiptoed to the bed... "Good Night. It's nice of you to stay..."- "My pleasure. Wish you sweet dreams, honey." Outch! As I said. Girls gonna hurt you! "For what was that? "Honey? I'm no food! Behave yourself..."- "Are you crazy?"- "No, it was just a joke. Calm down" "You're sense of humor scares me." She turned around and tried to look into my face, though it was all dark in here. "It's all your fault so don't make me apologize for something I can't change." Okay, what was going on now? "You've lost me." "What I want to say is, you were the one to start. I still don't know why you chose me of all the girls you could have. I mean, I'm nothing special. I have to work so often to pay the checks and so on. My life is all chaotic and I'm living all alone with a silly dog. I couldn't give you the presents you would deserve on you birthday and... and... " Her tears fell down in silence. One after another. I wiped them away, whispering: "Ju, I don't care about how much money you've got. I'm not in love with your money but with you! The first time I saw you, you've already cast a spell over me. You think you're nothing special? Then I have to tell you, you're a liar. You're all special. I am the one to be lucky to have found you. Whatever, there's no place I'd like to be but here with you right now... No matter what will be in the future, I'll be there for you. Okay?" ... She said nothing. I kissed her once again... 10. December- Ju(dith) -I just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live!- "Morning, sleepy hat" were the first words I heard in the morning. It took me a few minutes to recognize that it was Zero who's lying beside me and that my dog could not speak to me. Sometimes I'm a little bit crazy... "Ehm... sure sure. Morning." I rolled over on the other side, not realizing that there was no other side. I found myself lying on the floor. "You're alright?" He could not restrain his laugher any longer . I'm such a freak! I had to laugh 'bout myself, too. "This is so embarrassing." I grabbed one edge of the bedspread and drew it over my face. "You're too funny!"... "It's saturday. Do you have any plans for today?" I asked curiously. "No, not yet. Do you?" I sat in the kitchen waiting for breakfast. "No. But in a few minutes." He had no idea what my answer should mean, he tried to hide it, though. "Ehm... okay." No five minutes later the door bell rang. "Would you do me a favor? Open the door." I knew who would ran screaming in the kitchen to ask me out. "No problem." He stood up and walked through the hall... 10. December- Zero -Girls just wanna have fun!- When I opened the door, Rachel and Eve stared at me in disbelief, both looking in each other eyes and then running through the hall in the kitchen to Ju, screaming: "JU! What is he doing here? Did we miss something? Did you...!? Why didn't you call us?!" Now I understood why Judith said, she would have plans for today so soon. Eve and Rachel seemed to come over every Saturday and they didn't know I was here. I walked back to the kitchen where Eve and Rachel were sitting on the table asking Judith out. "Hey guys, I was having breakfast until you two showed up. Get yourself a chair and then let me eat a few minutes more... Zero, come in again, please. I know they're like wild animals sometimes..." "Mhmm...", was all I could say. I watched the three girls with disbelief. The three of them were so different, but you could say as soon as you saw them together: They're friends for life! I sat down again following their talk in silence, taking a closer look at Rachel and Eve. Rachel. Her blonde hair looked interesting on her dark skin. She was no afroamerican girl, though. Maybe her parents are from Mexico or something. Her bright green eyes looked as if they could look deep inside you, searching for answers who lay underneath your shape. "Hey! Stop looking at me as if I'm an attraction in circus!" ... She's the girl full of spirits in the clique (if you can call them a clique). And then there was Eve. When you look at her, you would say she's shy. Sometimes she is, but she can be devilish, too! Her eyes, her nose, even her mouth make you think she's as kind as an angel. They lie! She wasn't as pale as Ju, but somehow pale, too. Eve talked and talked an talked... Sometimes Ju rolled her eyes and Rachel did, too. "Eve, calm down." I noticed I was still just wearing boxer shorts so I stood up, going to Judith's bedroom to dress again. Nobody cared at all that I was away... They now just had the privacy they needed to talk about me. 10. December- Ju(dith) -I gotta follow my heart, no matter how far, I gotta role the dice, never look back and never think twice, cause I want just admission!- "Tell us everything!", they whispered. They just waited for Zero to leave the kitchen. How could he be so mean. "There's nothing to tell. I didn't want to be alone so I asked him to stay. We went sleeping and we awoke in the morning. There's no need to tell you everything what happend!" I hoped for mercy that both of them would not torture me until I told them every detail of yesterday's eve. "Ju, we're friends, you know? ..." Zero, I pleaded in my thoughts. I was lucky he entered the kitchen just in time. "I want to talk to you.", he said in my direction. Nobody moved, so he added: " Alone?" Rachel and Eve looked at me offended. "See you." I waved them goodbye and the both of them stood up to went home. Rachel won't forget about that one. As soon as we were alone he began: "I had an idea. You've never been at my place, did you? I would like to show you my home and maybe even my parents. If you don't want to, Ju, just tell me no." I've always have been curious about his life. I knew he's rich and all. He already told me what can be told. To see it with my own eyes would be different, though. After a few minutes of silence he told me: "Okay. No problem. So you don't want to." His eyes showed how much it was hurting him. "No no no no! I'm just so taken by surprise. I'd love to see who you really are and what your life's like!" After an hour I was finally ready for visiting his home. I was still nervous because I may meet his parents and so on. I had no idea what to were. I didn't want to be too crazy, boring, overdressed... When I finally sat next to him while we drove to Zero's I first noticed what car I was sitting in. "This is a Porsche. A Porsche Turbo!?" ... I thought he was rich. No, he isn't. Rich isn't the right word for how much money his family has to have! "It's not mine, though. I borrowed it from my dad. I've got an Aston Martin V8 Vantage Roadster. Great car!" Nothing left to say. "... and I'm taking the subway." I shook my head in disbelief. "It's not my fault!" His laughter made me smile. The "house" could no longer be called house. I think it's more a villa. At least it wasn't a palace. "Welcome home.", he said lovely, giving me a huge hug. "Thanks..." I felt so nervous... but everything I saw was amazing: The house had it's own style. Modern old I would say. Okay, this is ridiculously. From the outside it looked very old. "It's build in the 19th century and was restored when my parents moved in. You can call it a freetime activity of my mum." He moved on, pulling me with him to show me the inside of the villa. The hallway seemed to be endless. I knew Zero had two sisters and a brother. I saw the whole family on a picture. Zero seemed to be the nicest one of them. His brother was in my age- sixteen. His sister, too, was junger than Zero, she was only 14.The other sister, Jenna, was his twin. They were the oldest children of Mr. and Mrs. Hale, they're eighteen. The first room to our right was the kitchen. It was all red and black with some white tied in. A big table was standing in the middle of the room with six chairs around. The wood was so dark brown, it was nearly black. The countertops were standing at two of four walls. The wall were you're entering the kitchen was decorated with picutres of the family. The other free wall was the one with the windows. The window was wide so it took nearly the whole wall. "It's so beautiful! Amazing...! Who's cooking in your family?" I walked through the kitchen to take a closer look. "Actually, everyone. Everyday someone else, at sunday the whole family. It's kind of funny." He smiled, remembering some funny things who may happened by cooking. "Cool. So you're better than me at cooking, because I am very very very bad at it. I can be lucky I did not burn the kitchen down yet."- "You're too funny! ... C'mon! Living room's the next one." I followed him, holding hands with Zero. When we entered the room his mother and sister were in there. Mrs Hale was reading a book and looked up for a moment to see who's coming in. "Zero, you're finally back?"- "Yeah. Mum, this is Judith Tyrell." I'm sorry. I really am but I do not like her. She looked skeptically at me saying nothing but: "Okay." and then concentraded at her book again. She may knew I'm not a high society girl or something like that. It's just me: Judith. She's the one who's discourteous. "Nice to meet you.", I said as if nothing has happened. Zero's sister, Jenna, stood up and stepped away from the piano to greet me. She gave me a hug saying: "Nice to meet you, Judith." She was good-looking. A girl who breaks every boy's heart. "Yes, it's nice to meet you, too!" I was lucky to have found at least someone (except Zero) who was nice to me. The living room was bright and showed the big garden. A personal paradise. Life seems to be so easy when you've got money. I was sure: I don't need money to be lucky, though. I already got what I wanted to have in my life. Zero belonged to those things. After the bathroom for guest we went upstairs. Another hallway with many rooms. He showed me one after another... every one of them had it's own style. No room was like the other. Jenna's room looked like I was standing in a japanese one. Her bed was a futon and so on... but really pretty! His brother's room was a mess, to be honest. I can't tell what the floor looked like, because I never saw it?! ... He was one of those sport freaks, though: He played baseball, basketball and soccer. I don't know... when you talk to him you think he's arrogant but a minute later you would say he's the greatest boy you've ever met. Okay, except me. I still love Zero. The room for guests was the next one we entered. Bright green walls with white furniture. It was a beautiful contrast and the balcony showed the lovely garden. A flatscreen TV was standing on a sideboard next to the wardrobe. The room had everything you'd need (or not need) while you're staying at the Hale's. While we walked through the house we talked about everything what came on our mind. I asked about his family, but he never did asked me. I felt thankful. I won't talk about it, that was something he knew by one look into my eyes. We finally stood in front of his room, the only one missing until now. He opened the door for me, letting me get in first. The walls were painted dark grey with a few silver designs tied in. The furniture was bloody red but it all came out just right. "You're making me jealous!", I laughed. The sofa was standing at the wall next to the door. Opposite of that wall there was a wall out of glass with just a small stripe of wall where the flatscreen TV hung at. "I'm sorry for that...really!" We sat down at the sofa to continue our talk. "...Zero? Can I ask you something?"- "Ask me whatever you want me to ask." "I worried about meeting your parents and after your Mum acted ...like she did I'm not sure if I am really welcomed here." I looked down at the floor, scared of his answer. He pulled his arm around me to make me feel better. "Don't worry. Her behavior isn't the best, I know that and I feel sorry for that, but it won't change until I'm dating a girl as rich and... she would call that beautiful as Paris Hilton or something. She'll never understand I'm not someone who loves the money a girl has got, or the clothes." I just nodded. I wasn't welcomed because I'm not rich enough for his mother. "Ju? Forget about it okay? You see, Jenna and Matthew like you, too." I really enjoyed the afternoon, despite the spoil of his mother. We had some lovely hours ... watching a Dvd, huddling against each other, ... He drove me home after I was falling a sleep all the time. "You've got to work tomorrow. You need to rest, hon..." He walked me up to my flat, kissing me goodbye before he left again. "And sorry, we won't see each other tomorrow. I'm away with my dad. So... see you Thursday!" I could feel the pain in my chest, knowing I would miss him as soon as he drove away... "Bye then! I love you and have fun by whatever!", I called after him. "Thanks, Ju! I will always love you, don't forget about that." 11. December- Ju(dith) -Take a look at my life, all black, ... it's a dark, dark world and the people out there... it's only getting worse- Everything was blurry because of the thousand tears I was crying in silence. I was alone, without knowing what was the reason for me to have fainted... I just remembered what has happened at work: When I've been waiting for someone to order, I saw Zero's mother coming into the coffee shop. Right behind her a blonde girl, looking distrustfully at me. I didn't know her. "Mrs. Hale, nice to...", I started, but she disturbed me by telling me: "Just save it!" What was going on, I was asking myself at that time. "We need to talk to you, outside.", the girl said then, "It's important so let's do it know." I looked at my fellow Nina. When she nodded, I went outside the shop with the two of them. I still remember every word they said... "So you're the new girlfriend of Zero's?...", the blonde eyed me sceptically, "Who do you think you are? You've got nothing... he'll never love you. He's just a boy playing with one girl after another. We're here to help you getting him off." She already shouted at me, angry, being upset about something I didn't know at that time... "Who are you? ... And why should I believe you at all? Zero told me he loved me no matter how rich I am or not. Why should I trust in your words? I don't know you at all. Just because you're jealous..." My eyes wandered between Mrs Hale and that girl who came with her. "I'm Scarlette. I was the latest girlfriend of you're perfect boyfriend, until you came. You think I'm jealous? Of what? ... You've got nothing I'd like to have. I wanted to tell you about your guy before you're the next one to be hurt by him. The next one with a broken heart. ...Do you know how many girlfriends that guy already got? Almost 40! And he's 18... Many, don't you think? Do you believe he loved 50 girls in about 6 years? I don't think something like that could be true..." Mrs Hale added: "I stopped counting after a while... you'll be just like the other ones, boring after a few days." Scarlette looked at the sky, wiping away a tear. "He hurt me so much, ... he finished our relationship when he already started to date you! It's okay if he want to break up, but please before kissing the next girl! ... No mery for us. I don't want you to make the same mistake I did, because I would feel sorry for you. I already know what pain you'll feel in a few weeks, days, maybe just hours." I was shocked about hearing all those things. I knew Zero loved me, I really did, but I saw no reason for Scarlette telling me lies... "But... he told me about what girls you'd like Zero to go out with, Mrs Hale. All those perfect ones, having Daddy's money and so on. Maybe he tried to make you happy, wanted you to be proud or something. He would never break my heart... I'M SURE ABOUT THAT!" I screamed out loud as if I wanted to wipe away that nightmare, as if I wake up or something like that. "You're just so naive, Judith. He would break your heart the same way he always did. You're nothing special for him.", her answer came out so fast I wasn't sure she had been thinking about what she's saying. "... I don't know what to think any longer...", I had to admit. There was doubt deep inside of my heart. I needed to ask one more question: "Where is he right know?" I leaned at the wall as if I was already searching for something to steady myself. "I knew you'd ask... and I feel sorry that I've to tell you: He's away with Victoria. They're together in history class.", Mrs Hale said with mercy in her eyes. "I'm sorry for how I behaved in your presence yesterday, but I'm just so tired of all those girl. You seem to be nice, though." ... There was Scarlette? ...Everything was blurring around me............ I don't remember anything else. I just awoke in a dark street, somewhere I'v never been before. When I stood up I felt like I was having a nightmare. I looked around, trying to recognize where I was and then leave this dark place. I was having a head ache and I was shaking, wearing no jacket... After a while just standing around I saw a boy standing near to where I actually stood. He looked at me, curious. "Judith, what are you doing here? All alone...?", he began. At first I was wondering why he knew my name and who he was but when he came nearer I remembered him. Tony was somehow an old friend. He was always there when I had problems a few years ago. "Tony. You don't know how glad I am that you're here right now...I'd like to know what happend to me...I have really no idea. It's just... my head. Ouch, man!" I was nearly fainting again, that's why Tony run to me to support me. "You look bad, sorry. I think it would be the best to walk you home..." He walked me out of this maze. He knows the streets as if they where his home. Somehow they where everything he got. After a while we reached the Central Park and crossed it. Not the whole one, just a small passage cause it's just a shorter way to my home. Once I looked up I saw something I never wanted to see... I remembered the talk with Mrs Hale and that girl, Scarlette, when I saw Zero sitting on a bench, chatting with another girl... before she leaned in to kiss him. What the...? I looked down to the ground, asking Tony to walk just a bit faster ... he asked nothing, just did what I wanted. I felt even more miserable than before. Actually I felt nothing. There was just a mix out of all my feelings: anger, sadness, letdown ... When we finally reached my beloved flat, I gave Tony a huge hug, thanking him for having an eye on me when I still was fainted. "Without you I don't know if I'd reached my place."- "No problem at all. We're still friends, aren't we? ... Looking forward to see you again. Not in this kind of situation, though." Upstairs I locked the door, tumbling to the ground, crying. What was going on...? At least I can be sure of who told me the truth and who not... I was all alone again, wasn't I? ... 13. December- Judith -I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out... What hurts the most? Was being so close... Having so much to say, watching you walk away... ...I seek back loving you. That's what I'm trying to do. It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go, but I'm doing it...- "Leave me alone!...Go away, Zero! I don't want to look into your eyes anymore, Liar! What do you want me to do? Just act like I saw nothing!? NEVER!" I sat behind the door, trying to dry my tears,... Zero was still knocking against my door, pleading open the door. I won't... "What has happened to you? I was just one day away...", he whispered, but I still heard it. "... Yes, one day. In one day there can happen so much, you should know." There was just a thin door between us, but it felt as if he was miles away. After about two hours he gave up trying to make me open the door and went away. I remembered him in the Central Park yesterday, with a beautiful girl, sitting on a bench, laughing. No, I was doing the right. No mercy for someone who never felt mercy for his 'friends'.... 15. December- Zero -Love seems like a mess, when it won't let go of me, but when it's gone i don't feel...when it's gone i don't feel alive- When I enter the Starbucks she's ignoring me. When I asked her to let me in, she sents me away. I just don't know what has happened between us... I'd wish everything would be like it used to be, since I met her. It felt so right being with her, just acting like I wanted to. It was me, everyday when I was with her... Maybe I should leave her alone for somedays... until she would tell me what was wrong.... And if not...? I will have to think about that later. I hope, I won't have to... Life still goes on, ... and on, and on. Kapitel 4: 22nd December - 24th December ---------------------------------------- 22. December- Jenna -So I'm breaking the habit tonight- I danced through our house, singing to myself, just being me without thinking of how I was acting. I've never been different. Life's too short to be how other people want me to be. I once stopped in front of Zero's room. He was in there for days, just leaving for school and to eat something, kind of that stuff. One week has passed since Ju said him to never show up at her place and he really looked bad. Mum just said: "It'll pass soon." Sometimes I don't know what she's thinking, what said her to not try helping him. I knocked once. Twice. Three times. He never answered, all I could hear was his way to loudly music. I opened the door to find him lying onto his bed, saying nothing. I missed him. He usually is very easy-going, nice to be with and so on. Now he's just ... not here. "Hey there? Zero?", I tried to be louder than the music. Not a chance! I waited a minute until he became aware of me and turned the music more quit. "What is it?", he said monotous. "I'm worried about you! ... Everybody's telling me 'He'll be okay.' but I won't be talked into it!"- "Shut up, Jenn! You don't know anything..." "Excuse me? I'm your sister! Even Matthew is wondering what's up with you..." "You know, this is none of you're buisness?" He stared at me, much like a wild animal, mad at his enemy. "I know but... I know you still love her ... you gave up trying to talk to her, though. Did you think about why she's acting like this? This is something a girl never does without reason. And all you're doing is lying here, waiting for life to go on..." He stared right through me, now acting as if I was already gone. I left him alone. Down in the kitchen I started to cook anything. I was just hungry. Mum seemed to be in the living room, talking to somebody. I looked at one of our telephones, checking. She was having a chat with one of her friends or something. Without thinking I listened to what she was saying: "No, don't come over today. He's still not over that girl. A few more days and he'll regret to have broke up your relationship and come back to you. No worries... Was a good idea to have used that stuff to make her faint so that we could get rid of her that day. I think it was right. She had to feel what being alone feels like....You're such a nice girl, Scarlette...." "No..." I whispered to myself, "she won't do something...something like that, would she...?" I went out of the kitchen in disbelief, grabbing my jacket and the car key of Zero's Aston Martin. I couldn't believe this. Zero told me about Ju. He always tells me what's going on in his life and so do I. Everything seems to be as perfect as it never was. Just because his girlfriends not as rich or something as we are? Scarlette was a bitch. A damn little girl who just plays around. How to prefere somebody like that to somebody who's not just thinking about herself? That kind of love was what you call a "material love" . . . in her case she was the material. Cold-hearted, arrogantly, . . . I hope she'll leave Zero alone soon. She's just upset because he never fell on his knees in front of her to adore her. Whatever. . . .I stopped at the Sturbucks where she was working, or at least I was hoping it was this specific Shop. New York has millions of Starbucks. This one has to be the right, though. I don't want to search for hours... Who knows if Scarlette will come over today? Inside I asked for Judith Tyrell. A friendly woman told me where she was living so I just ordered an coffee and said thanks. I drove away, right to the adress I was told to find her. In front of her house I looked around... the city estate wasn't the most beautiful one but the people on the street don't looked like criminals and that was a good sign. I searched for the bell with the name "Tyrell" on it. There it was. "I may have told Zero first? No, he wouldn't possibly believe me. This was the only way to get any further. I rang the bell. A minute later Ju asked through the switchboard: "Yes?" "It's me. Jenna. I ..." I sighed. "Come up." The door opened and I went up the stairs. "So... what is it?", Judith asked me while we were sitting in her kitchen with a hot chocolate. She looked like the last time I've seen her, only know there was no brilliancy in her eyes, they were just faint. "I need to explain something to you. About your latest relationship to Zero -Please don't interrupt! ... I finally know what has happened so you broke up. You don't know what he is currently like. This isn't my brother any longer. He's not bad looking is he? No, he isn't. That's possibly what you've thought yourself when you saw him in the Central Park when you met him. That's what many girls think. So you saw him on a bench, kissing another girl?-That was Veronica, a friend of Scarlette's. Yes, you already know Scarlette. I know Veronica myself because she's in my class. She adores him. After Zero was off with my dad he wanted to see you. I can't think of another reason for him to be in the Park. Veronica was possibly crying so he wanted to be there for her. And, as obsessed as she is, kissed him. I hope that wasn't one of Scarlettes plan's, too. It worked anyway. You saw him and afterwards you won't talk to him again... Nobody's perfect and so is he. He broke up lately with Scarlette, and that was a mistake. He wanted to know first if you'd like to spend time with you, too. After that one day he was here, he told her goodbye. Too late, though. There already was more than just a little teenage romance between you two. That's why she was so upset. Because he loves you! For her you're nothing..." When I looked at her she wanted me to just go on. "I want to know everything!" She said it very ... unlovingly. I continued anyway: "The talk was just their show. Bad son- good mum. You still don't know why you've fainted? Morphine. They brought you to that dark road. You were lucky to not have ran into some idiots. You're not bad lookin' and they're criminals everywhere... Who know's what they would have done to you. Cruel that my mum would have been excited about something like that. She's not that bad...usually. Please don't think of her as a sadistic criminal..." I wiped away a tear out of the corner of my eye. I felt so sorry. Judith stood up and gave me a huge hug. She smiled sadly. "It's okay... I'm not upset or something. Don't worry." "Thank you... I think that's all. I wanted you to know the truth." Judith sat down again, asking: "So...what you're saying is he still is in love with me?" "Yes.", I thought of him, sitting in his room, depressed. "... He was here for a few times. Afterwards, I mean. I told him to go away... I thought when I'm just a number on his list he won't care. He stopped trying to talk to me after a few days. That was my reassurance that I was right...", she whispered, feeling miserable, too. "It was because he loves you. He never knew what has happened. He don't know yet. I do because I heard mum talking to Scarlette on the phone today." Judith breathed out loudly but than... screamed, smiled, danced around. I really thought she was having a shock or something! But then she smiled happily, telling me: "So what you're saying is, there's still a small chance he'd like to see me again? Oh, Jenna!" She gave me a hug. "So... want to come over? Now?", I invited her. "Of course. I don't know if I'm welcome but I don't mind!" Her eyes shimmered in the twilight when we jumped into Zero's car and drove off. In front of the house I saw another parked car. Scarlettes. "... that bitch.", I whispered. Jenna's face turned white know that she knew who was to blame for his and her own pain. Who's fault it was. "I hope we're not too late.", I thought, scared of saying it out loudly. I opened the door and the both of us ran up the stairs. In front of his door we stopped. I heard his voice coming from beyond the door. And her voice, too: "You're feeling miserable? Want me to take care of you? ... I missed you, honey." Judith took a deep breath and opened the door quickly: "Scarlette, first cause all the trouble and then acting like you feel sorry? ... Ah! Just be quit! You piss me off.-By the way, hi Zero." Smiling I entered the room, too. "Ah Scarlette. You didn't know I heard you talking to my mum? I feel so sorry. You naughty, naughty girl!" I gave Ju a kiss on her cheek because I felt so wonderful. Zero just wondered. Scarlette was shocked and left us alone, crying. No mercy for someone like her, that's what the both of us were possibly thinking. "I'll leave you alone...?", I asked happily. I went out of the room and closed the door. They need some privacy, I thought. 22. December- Zero -So let mercy call and wash away....what I've done- I was tangled up since Scarlette entered my room. Now I'm even more, because Ju did. She looked great...as always. She's wearing a cap, sloped down to her face, a black jeans which goes with green jacket. I... was simply speechless. Why was all this happening? I mean...first days of lonelines, feeling miserable and now everybody's coming in whenever he wants to? Scarlette was just telling me how much she misses me and that she still was in love with me, before she tried to kiss me. Just in time, if you want to say it this way, Jenna and Judith joined us. I was lucky, wasn't I? Who knows what Scarlette would have tried to do with me afterwards. I won't have given in but... "Ju...", I whispered, "You here?" She sat down on the floor, right where she was just standing. "Why? ... Maybe because your latest girlfriend tried to pull me away from me, without mercy. She would have been right if I have died alone out there. Or maybe, because you're mum supported her. Or just because I love you and did not want Scarlette to win this 'fight'?" She winced when she mentioned Scarlette and my mum. "What has happened...to you?" She told me. Everything. At the end, she was nearly crying. "All this has caused so much pain for you... " I stood up and sat down next to her. "And I'm sorry that ... I broke up too late with her..." She leaned against me, telling me: "No, that's okay. I knew, a boy like you always has a girlfriend. I wondered anyway why you had none. Now I know better..." "... Ju, I still love you. You already told me you don't want to see me again, but know that you're sitting here..." Her heart was pounding loudly against her chest when she listened to my words. I can feel it. "That was... because I saw you together with that Victoria-person. Jenna already told me what must has happened... I know you never wanted to hurt me. You wouldn't. You already know you're all I need, want and have got so...as I said. I'm here because I love you." I gave her a kiss on the cheek, happy once again. "...thanks.", she whispered into my ear. "Thanks? For what?"- "That you're still mine." 23. December- Judith -Tell me why, every time, I feel your eyes all over me- To forgive isn't always easy, but most of all reasonable. I could not live right beside Zero if I would have to fight against his mother all the time. That's why Jenna talked to her as soon as she left me in his room. When I went home in the evening she came to give me a hug, saying she's sorry. I don't know if she was honest with me but... I felt welcomed, at least a little bit now. "Thank you." I said, waving good-bye to catch up with Zero, who was waiting outside to drive me home. . . I'm lucky to already have buyed christmas presents for Rachel, Eve and even Sulky. I still have none for Zero, though. I don't know what he'd like to have. I mean, I hardly know him a month, but it feels like I've known him all life. . . I think I won't ask him. That's just wrong. I'm going to search all day if I have to. I took my cell phone, some money and went to Rachel. When she opened the door she wasn't dressed yet. "What are you doing here? You could have called me! Look at me!" She pointed at her lovely nightgown. "Sorry, I really need your help." "Christmas present, huh?", she grinned, "I already wondered when you'd come to ask us for help..." I went inside and called Eve. She was as sleepy as Rachel was: "What's up...?" I told here to be here in about an hour, and after some whining, she said yes. Usually she needs about two hours but today she really was here in time. "Hate you!", she welcomed me with a hard hug. "Love you, too." Rachel came out of her bathroom, ready to go. "What to donate anyway?" If the two of them could help me anyway? "It has to be..."- "Sexy! Absolutely sexy!" ... I sighed. "Girls, please!" We searched for two hours... or three? Don't ask me. Result: No present. At least Rachel and Eve found some presents for their family... "... this is horrible!", I whined. Just then my cell phone rang. "Hey, honey!", Zero's lovely voice greeted me. My heart jumped once. "Oh hey, what's up?", I turnedabout so I won't have to face my two friends grinning widely. "Nothing. Just wondering what you're doing...You weren't at home." "I'm at Rachel's with Eve.", I told him. He don't have to know that I'm this late... "Ehm ... Ju?", Rachel whispered from behind. I ignored her, whatever it is this time, it has to wait a minute or two. "Ah ... okay. Then... tell me please, since when is Rachel living at a shopping mall?", he whispered in my ear, kissing me from behind. Speechless I faced him, blushed. "... An hour or two? Ask Rachel herself...What are you doing here anyway?" He looked in my eyes so I would feel like melting under his gaze, but I stayed where I was, looking back. "I'm searching for something.", he said, being honest about that. "When you say 'something' you mean...?" "The same thing you're searching for, what else?" His answer came quickly with a warm smile. "... And? Already found something?" I was curious about that since I stood up to find something for him. I was having a hard time, if he was having one, too? "Of course!", he grinned, "Just searching for another small present." "Another one? Zero... You know I can't overwhelm you with presents the way you possibly can, so please..." He just kissed me and then said: "See you later! I'll be at your place at 7.30, okay?" "Okay." Rachel and Eve smiled telling me to go on searching, but I already knew we won't find anything. At the end of the day I had no present but a bad coscience. I already buyed a red rose and I would write a letter to tell him about how much I love him and what I felt during the time we were separated from each other. . . 24. December- Judith -I'm searching for my words inside my head. I'm feelin' nervous, tryin' to be so perfect, cause I know you're worth it- My pen was moving across the paper, I couldn't really control it. The words, coming from somewhere deep in my heart just flew. The thoughts in my head made me dizzy, remembering what has happened since that one morning I woke up, feeling enthusiastic about December. It felt like a dream to me since then. Sometimes it was only a dream, feeling like I could fly, but then it was a nightmare, being alone. Dear Zero . . . Love's a mysterious thing to deal with, isn't it? Once you've fallen in love you never want to lose the one you're sharing your life with at that time. . . We met down there in the Central Park and you said goodbye even before you said hello. You knew how to make me want you and. . . as you can see, it worked out just right.. . . . . . The difference is what makes our relationship special, huh? I thought about that when I thought to have lost you. You're perfect, I already know that. Maybe that was the reason for your mother to hate me. I wasn't good enough for you. I mean it's not like I don't know. . . I have to work hard to pay the bills and so on, but that's how I live since I don't know when. I'm glad to have met you, and I was even more glad because you never cared about things like that. . . . . . I searched for a perfect present to give you for christmas but never found one. There's nothing I can give to you but my love and this letter which has to serve as proof. Zero, I want you to know how much I love you but. . . I realized I just can't. Words won't be enough. . . . . . I wrote about three pages until I thought that I finally said everything I wanted to. I folded the letter and put it into the envelope. The rose was bound to the envelope. Finally I wrote his name down in my most beautiful handwriting. It wasn't much, but it's the thought that counts, right? I wondered if I should visit him or if he was going to show up here. We haven't talked about that yesterday. He told me what he would give to Jenna, Matthew and his parents and I told about Rachel, Eve and Sulky... Where was Sulky anyway? It's way to quite around here. I just finished wrapping up presents... "Sulky? Honey! C'mon!", I yelled, searching for my dog, the devil herself. I found her in the kitchen, trying to reach the presents. "No, not this time. Last year was me a lesson. I'm finally done with everything, let's get outta here." I laid down the envelope next to the other presents and was about to go to the Central Park with my dog, but just in time the door rang. Sulky watched first the presents, then me. I took her with me, opening the door. Facing... nobody. "Great..." I was about to close the door when I heard someone I never thought of meeting again at my place. Jenna. "Wait! Give me a sec!", she yelled. I could hear her coming up the stairs. "Damn him,..." "I'll leave the door open, Jenn?" I went inside again, caressing Sulky. Eventually Jenna came in, carrying dresses, shoes, and so much more. "What are you DOING?", I gasped. Jenna went into my bedroom, letting the stuff fall on my bed. "... You're better not asking.", she smiled. "But you have a date tonight, and I want you to look incredibly beautiful. More than you already do!" I stood in my hallway, totally startled. "What about asking me first before showing up here with all that? Nobody told me I would have a date tonight..." "What else? But first of all..." She walked over to me, giving me a kiss on my cheek, "Merry Christmas!" I hugged her. "Same goes to you! Hey, you'd like to have breakfast?", I went to the kitchen, not even awaiting her answer to be 'no'. "Coffee or tea?" Sulky, who was on her own feet again, came in after Jenna. She was nearly dancing around that girl, totally curious. "Aww, how is her name, again? She's just so cuuuutet! . . . Ah, and Tea, please." Cuddling, they sat on the floor. "It's Sulky.", I answered her question, looking forward to my most beloved Christmas eve. "What is he planning to do?" A red, silky dress with a low neckline on my skin, I looked at myself in the mirror. "You'll see. What do you think about that one?", Jenna's eyed me sceptically until her eyes gave her away. "You look adoringly!... and damn sexy! Better watch out tonight." I blushed, trying to slap her. Jenna was faster, already resorting out of my bedroom. The dressed made it difficult to get after her, so I finally gave up, starting to laugh out loudly. "We're crazy, aren't we?", Jenna's voice came from the kitchen. "No, the other people out there are just too normal!" A few hours later I looked like a model. My hair found his way down my neck, in wavy curls. My eyes glittered in a beautiful red-grey look, the red going just right with the colour of the lipstick which was brown with some red tied in. Jenna's pride of what she had done was noticable on the first look... 24. December- Zero -All I want for Christmas is you!- I never saw a girl like her, the way she moved on the dance floor. So graceful. . . Her dress made it even worse to look away from her. . . And now, after the dinner and a dance I was abou to lead her outside, right into the cold night until we stood in front of the christmas tree at the Rockefeller Center. My arm around her, I looked down at her, hearing her every breath, looking at the soft clouds. She turned slowly, entwining my neck, whispering: "Thanks for everything, I never had a christmas eve like that..." A smile made its way over my lips: "And you don't even got all your presents." That caught her off guard: "You can't be serious about that, can you? I mean, I already had a great night, you're with me. I don't want to have anything else. My present is nothing in contrast to that." I kissed her softly, pulling her closer to me. Afterwards I looked into her deep eyes, telling her what she was going to face the next weeks during the holidays: "What do you think about Paris?"- "...this is a dream." Her eyes searched for a joke about traveling to France, already knowing that I was telling her nothing but the truth. "You'll like it. I know you will." Her eyes glittered in the dim light. "Thanks, once again. I feel terrible because my present is nothing but this." A red envelope was in my hands now and after opening I found the sweetest letter I should ever get in it. "This is just as great. Words out of her heart written down just for me.", he winked, "they're remain in my mind." I touched her neck, pulling her closer when my fingers made its way down on her back... "The chain looks beautiful on you." It was another present I found in the mall. A silver heart with a little diamond tied in. "I feel almost like a star between all those presents."- "The holidays are from my mum, a present for both of us." Her voice sounded unsteady now, she was about to cry, hopefully out of happyness: "Yo...your mum? But...she hates me?" "No, she was just worried. Welcome to our family, Judith." It felt like this moment in particular was just for the two of us when we kissed each other never caring about the coldness all around us. "Thanks, Zero. I love you." "I'll love you forever, sweetheart.", I said, turning with her toward the big tree. . . . "Ah and, Jenna will go shopping with you." I had to admit after a while. "Oh my. . . ." Who knows how many new wardrobes we would need this time. . . © нενεαη­­­-сαη ωαιτ written by Eileen Bieniarz Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)