Hold me von Rhiv ================================================================================ Kapitel 1: One -------------- Himchan POV The time without Yongguk by my side passed fast. Too fast on the one hand as it was painful for me thinking about him and that he really didn‘t give a damn..on the other hand I was glad that I could be sure about him not hurting me anymore. I was a free man and could do whatever I wanted, with whom I wanted and when. My friends were surprised that I got over him so fast. The bothering thing was just that they could only see my facade I put on everyday. I felt bad about it. As for I gave him my heart, my love and just everything I got to see him happy he didn‘t give me anything but a little of his time. A week after I left Yongguk I was deeply hurt, broken, thinking that he‘d call me, wished that I came back but of course he didn‘t. I seperated from him and our friends- though I really missed everyone- and hung out with old friends again, friends I never really was sure what exactly they wanted and how much I could trust them. One of them became my boyfriend shortly after. He cared for me like Yongguk never did- even though it just felt different and it scared me. I had the feeling that it wasn‘t right, that I shouldn‘t be in a relationship and that my heart still craved for Yongguk, but I wanted the pain to end. I didn‘t want to be the fragile boy who couldn‘t get over a break up, nonetheless how painful it had been. It started off perfectly- like it did with Yongguk but just better. He told me how much he loved me more than needed and held me in moments I had a mental break-down or just a bad day. For a very short time I was able to forget the pain Yongguk brought me..but then, of course, I had to be unlucky again. After an incident in a club- I had spotted Yongguk, Daehyun and Youngjae together. They seemed so happy. Even Yongguk. And the thoughts of him being happy without me filled my head again. I cried the whole night, didn‘t even try to regain my strength and let everything out- how much I still loved him, how much I missed him and also, how much I hated him for being the world biggest idiot I‘ve ever met. This night I had a terrible fight with him- my boyfriend- as he thought that I only played him the whole time to get over Yongguk and that he should have never trusted me. Even though he apologized the morning after it got worse with every day of my live. We argued a lot. The trust faded even more. And then the night came. Again, we were in a club, just after another fight and had fun, trying to get over it when I spottet him again. He went to the bar, together with Daehyun and my heart sank. I tried to ignore it, smiling at my boyfriend with the best smile I could bring up at that moment but he‘d already seen Yongguk. A deep sigh escaped his lips as he took my hand, guiding me to a more quiet part and turned to face me. We talked. A lot. I was afraid as I thought that he‘d kill me for hurting his feelings again by thinking about Yongguk directly after our fight‘d just ended. But we just talked. That it‘d be better if we let it be, we weren‘t meant to be together. Hearing those words coming out of his mouth I tried my hardest to remain silent, not to cry in front of him. The only thing I could do was to nod, again I was just not good enough. This time for a man who had just a too good heart though. He didn‘t want to talk to me for a while, just because he really wanted to get over me. As we left the club together- there was no sign of the others anymore anyways- we held hands for the last time. We hugged each other for the last time. He kissed me the last time and told me that he really loved me. Then he turned around and got into a cap, leaving me alone. Again. I decided to take a walk for clearing my mind. I also started crying, though. Why couldn‘t my heart just turn down the feelings for Bang Yongguk, the man that obviously never really loved me and who also left my heart in broken peaces? I don‘t remember how long I had been walking, but in the end I ended up at the Han river, the beautiful few of the steady water which reflected the lights of the town and where so many couples were. It broke my heart again and I had to hold back the tears wich threatened to spill once more. Whatsoever, not long after I sat down my phone started to ring and I sighed, taking it out of my jeans pocket pocket and looked at the caller ID. It was Daehyun. My brow raised itself on its own as I took a deep breath and answered the call. Why would Daehyun call me after all this time and also..at this time? „Hello?“ My voice sounded weak and I wanted to kick myself for showing off how broken I was- again. He had always been a good friend. I always talked with him about everything and then I cut the contact because of stupid Yongguk. „Himchannie..?“ He also sounded weak and- as if a switch had been pressed I started to worry. „Hyung, are you there..?“ I nodded but recalled that he couldn‘t even see me so I answered after a few seconds. „Yeah....I‘m here. What‘s up? You don‘t sound too well, Daehyunnie..“ Another short silence, then he laughed softly. „Says the one who‘d been crying..?“ Of course. He always figured when I had been crying. He‘d always hear the bitterness my voice gave off and it really seemed like he was the only one on this earth who always cared, no matter how his feelings were at those moments. As I didn‘t response he laughed again, but this time was different. He still didn‘t sound as if he was in the mood to laugh and yet he still did- I wondered what had happened so I asked. „What‘s wrong? You really don‘t sound well...“ Although we hadn‘t spoken in centuries I still could feel the bound between us- the confiness that only we could share after such a long time. „Himchan...I need you to do me a favor...and please don‘t freak out“ • I bit my lower lip. Why did I have to agree with this stupid idea..? My feet were glued to the ground, my fist just a few millimeters away from the wooden door I so badly didn‘t want to knock at. „I know you probably don‘t want to speak to Yongguk again after what had happened. But, Himchan...even though I am fully on your side, you‘re not the only one suffering after the break-up. Yongguk does nothing but stare blankly only he and God knows where, you can‘t talk with him anymore without him disconnecting with the task we‘re talking about and..as soon as one of us just mentions your name he is off again. I don‘t know if you saw us this evening because we did see you- and he really looked like killing this guy you were dancing with“ I repeated his words over and over again in my mind, not sure wether to believe him or not. „I...I just want you two to be back together. He loves you, Himchan. He really does. He‘s just not the one of words and you know that. Maybe you just need to talk to him again, he‘s week deep inside especially after tonight. I know you‘re not over him yet and nor is he. He needs you.“ Again I took a deep breath, straightened my posture and finally used the doorbell. My heart rate increased and I waited a few moments. Nothing. Another jingle and a bad feeling overcoming me. Maybe I really should have never come back. So many memories. Our apartment...but he sure as hell already threw all my remaining stuff into the trash and claimed it as his own apartment, finally rid of me... After nothing was heard I started to bite my lower lip again and gave it another try- I didn‘t want him to be asleep. I freaking came here in the middle of the night, in the middle of spending my unworthy time in spilling tears. Then I heard something. From inside. Hopefully I didn‘t wake him, because then he‘d be pissed like always when someone woke him without a reason. And mine wasn‘t the best at all, without knowing if he really wanted to talk. For the last time I pressed the doorbell and smiled a little, thinking about him- no matter if he had been sleeping or not- being grumpy and not happy at all to have an uninvited guest at this late time. As the door opnened I was sure my heart stopped for a second- and then he already stood in front of me, completely opening his door and also his mouth to probably protest, but the words never came out. Again, a small smile formed on my lips even though I didn‘t want to- but I couldn‘t control. „Hello, Gukkie...“ Kapitel 2: Two -------------- Nobody POV There they stood. Staring at each other while both of their hearts sank with every passing second. Himchan was thinking again- it really hadn‘t been a good idea to come here in the first place. „W-what are you...doing here..?“ Finally, Yongguk decided to talk. But it wasn‘t really what he wanted to say- he really wanted to embrace Himchan and never let him go again...but surely enough the younger one was just here to take his things with him. At the same time Himchan wanted to punch Yongguk. Of course, he wasn‘t welcome anymore because he was still the one who left. „I-I..“ He scratched the back of his head, lowering his eyes to the ground. There was no way Daehyun had been right when he told him that Yongguk would miss him, or even need him. A deep sigh left his lips as he looked into the olders eyes again. „I‘m sorry. I shouldn‘t have come. I was just...around and thought...hey, why not showing up at your ex-boyfriends door..?“ Himchan laughed nervously and took a step back, feeling that his cheeks started to burn. It hurt to speak those thoughts out loud, especially right in front of Yongguk while this awkward atmosphere lingered between them. Whatsoever, not only Himchan but also Yongguk felt this way. The slightly older male bit his lower lip and got no word out of his mouth. It bothered him, especially as Himchan sighed again, in defeat, mumbled something under his breath and then turned on his heels, shaking his head. Not again. „Wait“ Yongguk stepped out of his apartment, towards Himchan who stopped in his tracks. „Don‘t go.“ „Why shouldn‘t I? You‘re not pleased to see me and I made a mistake by coming back here.“ „Who the hell said that besides you?“ „Well, look at how you look at me Bang Yongguk and besides, you‘re not even talking to me.“ „And what am I doing right now then?“ „I don‘t know! Maybe trying to get into another fight with me?!“ „Who is the one being a drama queen again only because I asked you to stay!?“ „Again? AGAIN?!“ „Yeah again!“ Yongguk crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared at Himchan, who on the other hand shook his head and stroked through his hair. „Talk to me, Himchan. Why don‘t you just come in?“ „Because there is no reason for me to come in!“ The slightly younger one raised his voice. „I didn‘t leave you for no reason, you know! You‘re selfish, don‘t care about others and in addittion the biggest son of a bitch I‘ve ever known! Only that!“ The second Himchan stopped talking the neighbours door opened and a sleepy looking, raging Jonghyun stood there, glaring at them. „What the hell, guys! You know what time it is? It‘s freaking far past midnight and if you don‘t stop shouting at each other I‘ll call the police!“ Then he disappeared into the apartment next door again and they stood in silence. Awkward silence. Without another thought, Himchan now started walking again and passed Yongguk to enter his apartment, but didn‘t bother to get out of his shoes. The older one, slightly confused, followed after and closed the door before also getting into the living room where Himchan sat on the couch and stared at his hands. „Wanna drink something..?“ he asked softly, feeling uncomfortable with the situation they were in right now. „No. We‘re just gonna talk and then I‘ll go.“ Himchan harshly said while glaring at Yongguk. Again the older one sighed and sat down across Himchan, not understanding why Himchan was playing drama queen. „So. You wanna talk? Shoot then.“ were Yongguks words after another short silence. Himchan himself was just afraid to let his guard down again. He didn‘t want to believe in Yongguk. Before he began to talk he stood up and started to wander around the living room- he wasn‘t able to sit right now. „Why the hell couldn‘t you just let me leave. It isn‘t that hard, is it now? It wasn‘t hard the first time so“ he stopped in his tracks and words as he was about to pass the commode next to the television; staring at the picture frame which stood there, mockingly, in all its glory. „So what?“ Yongguk turned around, annoyed that he had to go through this right now, in the middle of the night and in a really not fair state he was in. However, as soon as he realized what Himchan was staring at he shot out of his seat and went to the younger, nervously biting his lip. „Uhm...Himchan. Would you mind just...you know..not staring at...it..?“ It was obvious that Yongguk was uncomfortable with Himchan staring at the picture, while Himchan couldn‘t believe his eyes at that moment. The picture showed no one else than him and Yongguk, a week after the younger had confessed his feelings. Himchan remembered that day as if it were yesterday; Youngjae, Daehyun, Yongnam, Yongguk and him had been out for a picnic. It had been a sunny day full of joy and smiles, especially after they had finished eating. He had seated himself under a large tree for some rest as Yongguk had come over, laid down next to him and positioned his head in his lap. The younger male had been laughing, while stroking through his elders hair. His other hand laid on Yongguks chest, whose hand also came up to interwine their fingers while softly smiling at Himchan. The one who took the picture had been Yongnam, more to annoy them, but in the end it ended up as Himchans favorite picture. That was the reason why he had framed it. Yongguk on the other hand had never said anything about the picture so Himchan just figured that the older didn‘t like it like he did. But he didn‘t care at that time. His eyes moved away from the picture as he turned around to face Yongguk again, who apparently stood right behind him. „Why....why did you keep it..?“ he asked, his voice full of doubt, as he stared at the older who on the other hand didn‘t want to meet his eyes. There was also no answer coming, so Himchan pulled himself together and laid his hands onto Yongguks shoulders. It didn‘t take Yongguk too long to glance at the slightly younger as he sighed, taking another small step towards him. „Because I like it. It‘s beautiful. You‘re beautiful. And the memories....of you and me. They‘re making me sad and I remember that I don‘t deserve it to be with you anymore as soon as I think about it. But then again..I don‘t want to lose those memories like I‘ve already lost you.“ Himchan was stunned. „Wha-..the hell are you talking about..?“ He tried to sound angry because well, he still wanted to be angry at Yongguk. But if he said stuff like this he just couldn‘t. There was just this stupid little thing inside of him called feelings, which still had enough hope to forgive the guy in front of him. His hands found their way back to his sides as he tried to understand the situation he was in and the upcoming feelings- those freaking butterflies he hated the most when he had them in Yongguks presence. „I‘m not kidding, Himchan. I regret hurting you. I hate it to know that you have someone else and the fact that I‘m not important to you anymore...that your love belongs to another person than me“ Yongguk just couldn‘t hold it anymore. He had just promised himself that he would do anything to get Himchan back and that would be to explain his stupidity. At least starting with it for Himchan to understand. „S-stop it...please..“ Himchans voice was barely heard as he realized tears welling up in his eyes- there was no way he could trust those words. The older one sighed and placed his hands on the youngers cheeks, stroking them softly. „I love you, Himchan. I always did and I‘m so, so sorry that I never let you know about my feelings.“ Now the tears were just running down his cheeks without Himchan trying to stop them anymore. On the one hand he was taken aback by those words and completely shocked, while, on the other hand, he was dying inside out of happiness..the words he had been craving for like forever. „D-don‘t...don‘t you dare play with me..“ As aforementiond Himchan absolutely didn‘t want to trust him again. He broke him once, so why not twice. Additionally to that there had already been one time when Yongguk told him that he loved him but that was only for an afterwards broken heart and a lot of tears. Even though he really wanted him back, there was no way he would give in so easily. Yongguk needed to suffer like he did if he really deemed his words. „I‘m not. I mean it.“ Yongguk pulled the slighlty younger closer, their lips nearly touching now. „I love you.“ He kissed him endearingly, wasn‘t really surprised that Himchan didn‘t kiss him back. But he was indeed somehow surprised that the male didn‘t pull back either. He just stared at him, still crying. After a few more moments Himchan closed his eyes and placed his arms around Yongguks neck, forgetting about his ‚hard to get‘ stuff and just melting into the kiss which he shyly responded. The kiss didn‘t last for long though as Yongguk finally pulled back and sighed. „What about your boyfriend?“ Himchan opened his eyes again and bit his lower lip, then smiled weakly and fondled Yongguks hair. „If he‘s not being a complete idiot again...then I think I‘ll give him another chance“ Himchan didn‘t care anymore that he‘d been terribly hurt by Yongguks actions and still was- and that he just thought one moment ago to never trust him again- but he couldn‘t help it. He was just so freaking much in love with this idiot. Yongguk on the other hand was a little confused at first, but then got what Himchan meant and felt his heart beating a little faster. „No...wait. I mean your boyfriend. The one I‘ve seen you with in the club...earlier this night“ He gently wiped the youngers tears and looked at him full of expectation. „O-Oh...him...well we...kind of broke up..after I saw you..?“ Now Yongguk felt bad. Really bad. Himchan did see him..? But when. There was no way he could‘ve seen him while Yongguk had looked at him. Because back then Himchan had just been obviously admiring that guy. „I‘m sorry Himchan.“ He could imagine how hard it had been for Himchan to get over another break-up...but there was the question again why he showed up in front of hir door. „Don‘t be. I think I never really loved him..I just wanted to get over you and needed someone who truly loved me and also showed his feelings towards me.. I feel so bad hurting him because I just couldn‘t....because I couldn‘t get over you.“ His voice was shaking a little bit. Himchan didn‘t really understand why he just had this thing for being hurt or hurting others- there was just no way he could explain that. „But....seriously now, Himchan. Why did you come here?“ Yongguk still was kind of happy that Himchan didn‘t get over him so easily- not because Himchan had lost someone really close- because now he was sure there was a second chance for him. Short silence came with the question and Himchan detached himself from Yongguk, went back to the couch and sat down. The older one followed quietly, even though he really wanted to know. But he knew that Himchan would tell him- he just didn‘t need to be pushed to say it. „Well...Daehyun..called me and kind of persuaded me to come over and talk to you.“ There was no way he would‘ve lied about why he had been even coming- Daehyun also did not mention a thing about telling or not. So he just did. Yongguk on the other hand was really surprised. Didn‘t Daehyun tell him to ‚just let him go‘ and ‚let him be‘? And now he told Himchan to come over..? That just did not make any sense. However, he did not say anything because he was sure that still no one knew about his youngers feelings towards Himchan. „...I‘m happy you did...“ Yongguk mumbled and put his hand on the youngers thigh. Himchan sighed the nth time tonight and turned towards Yongguk, smiled a little and stood up, only to turn to the slightly older and sat down on his lap again, facing him and entwined his arms around Yongguks neck anew. „Promise that you will never hurt me like this again.“ „I promise.“ And Yongguk really meant it. He didn‘t want to lose Himchan again. He hugged the young man and responded to the smile with his own gummy smile. Himchan, obviously happy, nodded slightly and pressed a soft kiss on Yongguks lips. He could be mad at him if he wasn‘t around him, but he could not be if he was right here wirh him. Telling that he was sorry and that he loved him. It was impossible for Himchan to say no at that time- especially because his ex-boyfriend broke up only because of his strong feelings for Yongguk. „I love you, Himchan. I really do. You‘re my one and only.“ Now that got Himchan giggling again and he shook his head. „It‘s not fitting you being cheesy like this..but I love you too. Still. Thank you..“ They kissed again, only this time lasted longer. Even though Himchan still felt like crying, it would‘ve been out of happiness to have Yongguk back. On the other hand Yongguk was determined to never hurt his now again boyfriend ever. Also, he had in mind to thank Daehyun later or..the next day, whenever he‘d see him again for telling Himchan to come back. They were both grateful that he‘d brought them back together. Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)