Split soul   von Gepo
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                            Kapitel 19: Nervousness
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Akashi wasn´t keen on telling Ayako about this. For one because he knew he
would blow it. This was Seijuro´s area, not his. He wasn´t good with feelings.
This would need delicacy and compassion and … well, a lot of things he did not
have.
>Could you at least give me some pointers on how to do this best?< He asked
Seijuro but the crying had stopped and the other had fallen silent. He was most
likely asleep, like back then when everything had become too much for him. So
every time compassion would hinder his survival, the stage was his.
He was slightly surprised how annoyed that made him. It was so much easier to
just do his job and leave everything else to Seijuro. It did impinge on his time
but he disliked social events and gatherings while his alter ego thrived in
them. He always came out with a lot of new ideas and offers.
He did not want to be alone again. Alone with this thing inside of him. He
always thought sharing your head with at least two other personalities was an
invasion but this felt much more wrong than what he had to live with before.
Should he try to abort it? But if that triggered Sei to come out and keep
control of the body for the whole pregnancy, deciding her child was worth more
than their company, it would be a disaster. This would be so much easier if he
could talk to her.
He sighed in annoyance. Maybe Ayako could help. Sei had talked to her once,
maybe she would do so again. But he needed to keep Ayako by his side for that.
He could mark her forcefully but for once he knew even without Seijuro´s
complaints that such a move wouldn´t help. Rationally there was no reason for
her to stay. She liked Seijuro and that one might not come out again for months,
maybe years. It wasn´t like she knew or liked him as Akashi in any way.
Maybe it would be easier to simply break up with her and spare himself the
trouble. It might also be dangerous to give her even more information if the end
of a relationship was inevitable. Some women got unpredictable after break-ups.
She already knew so much about him it might even be advisable to kill her.
Should he tell her more? Should he just tell her to go and that it wasn´t her
fault? Should he break up with her and make her feel responsible to control her
with guilt? Or should he find a way to wipe her memory?
“What is your guess on how Ayako will take this?,” he asked Shintaro during
the car ride.
“She´ll be devastated.” Wow, that did not even take a second. What a
surprisingly fast answer for his best friend. “Other than that I can´t say. I
don´t know her well and I am not a good judge of character.” The man looked
at him with his green eyes. “I advise you to tell Kazu before telling her. He
might give you some pointers what to say and what not and how to phrase it. He
can also tell you what her reaction will be.”
“I don´t think I want to involve any unnecessary persons.” He also thought
that while his best friend´s beloved was an outgoing person, his character
judgment was rather strange. Said man had decided to marry Shintaro after all.
“If you want me to cover your visits and help out with your company, you will
need to involve him. I refuse to lie to my husband for you.” That was rather
forceful for him.
“You just did,” Akashi reminded him.
“I am pretty sure he noticed, I am the worst liar in the world.” Shintaro
seemed to have gained a backbone. That was unfortunate.
It did have some merit to involve him. He would make Shintaro more compliable,
he might help out with Ayako, he might even help out if all of this went to
hell. If Sei did take over his body, Shintaro was the only one capable to saving
his empire and – want it or not – Kazunari was his driving force. While he
was sociable, he wasn´t known to be a gossip. He seemed able to keep a secret.
He also had enough money to not be swayed by it. Akashi did wonder about his
integrity – he was a half-blood Beta low-life after all, no more than a street
mix – but he never had reason to question him. He also knew how to care for a
cranky pregnant Alpha. It reminded him that Shintaro was pregnant as well, so he
asked: “When are you due?”
“Two months at worst, three at best.”
“So you´ll be healed up by the time I might have to restructure?” It was
the nicest word he could think of for this disaster.
“Yes.” A heated gaze drilled holes into the side of his face. “Will you
tell Kazu?”
“Yes, I will.” And he would ask how to best tell Ayako. Then he would do
that and then he would go to sleep and hope to awake from this nightmare. He
scoffed at himself. That was such a Seijuro thing to do. He was the one that
never hid. He knew the image of a man soldiering on, he did it often enough. For
once he wished he didn´t have to. But the alternative was giving this body to
Sei and that would be far worse. “I have to tell you something beforehand.”
Shintaro looked up at the serious tone. They had just left the car, so they took
a detour to a bank under a tree off to the side instead of entering the house.
Akashi lowered his voice anyway: “The one raped was our third personality.”
“A third one?” The green eyes stared at him without blinking.
“She is called Sei. She must have been raped from before our mother died, so
she is pretty screwed in the head. She loves our father, she thinks himself his
mistress, she is personalized Alpha superiority and she wants this child to
survive even at the cost of the whole company. If she thinks that I endanger the
child, she will take over and shut herself in the mansion. She is a real trophy
wife, she has no idea of what she would do with her actions. All her thinking is
limited to having a child with father to keep the line pure and raise it in his
image. It´s her sole purpose.”
“That is extremely bothersome.” Shintaro thought for a moment. “She won´t
let neither Kuroko nor Ayako in.”
“Exactly.” He straightened his suit jacket. “And she will let the company
go to ruin over this.”
“I see why you need my help. If you lose control, this will be on me. I am the
only one able to manage your empire and the only one with enough pedigree that
she would talk to me.”
It was reassuring as well as unsettling that he understood. Akashi did not
really want to admit but this might be out of his hands sooner than he thought.
The words he spoke felt like ash on his tongue: “I´ll give you full consent
to manage my company and estate in case I am mentally unable to do so.”
“Does this include getting you tested as officially insane if Sei stays, so
your child´s parental rights fall to me?” Shintaro asked without a shred of
pity. It was what Akashi had asked for after all.
He slowly nodded his head.
“I´ll need that written and signed.”
“I know.” Akashi sighed. “That will most likely be the point where I´ll
lose control of this body. I´d like to talk to Ayako first.”
“Then I´ll ready the papers in the meantime. Do you have your signet stamp
with you?”
Akashi nodded. He would sign control over his whole company, his estate, his
person and his child away. Gods, he wished this wasn´t happening. He hadn´t
liked the fact that he had to deal with Seijuro but the man had been bearable.
This was unbearable. This was worse than everything he had imagined when he
thought about their possible other personalities. He had thought the others came
out when triggered. He never thought there would be someone with full control
over him. Sei wasn´t able to change his memories but she was able to completely
separate him from their consciousness. He would need to trust in Shintaro.
His friend stood and put a hand on his shoulder before saying: “For what it´s
worth: I am sorry.”
Akashi brushed his hand away and stood as well. He looked at his friend for a
moment before saying: “Write it so that whenever Seijuro or I are out, we do
have full rights. Everything should only be stripped from us as long as Sei or
another personality is out.”
“The law only recognizes insanity or none. You will have to trust me to give
rights to you two if you are out. In all other cases, all rights will stay with
me until a psychiatrist states that you are healed.”
“This disorder can´t be healed.” His friend was right. He would sign away
all rights forever. It would be Shintaro´s decision to give him any rights back
when he saw fit. He balled his fists and went to the house´s entrance.
Shintaro stayed silent while he followed him.

They had dinner with the kids. He told Natsue he wasn´t feeling well and that
she should stay away, so she wouldn´t get any germs. It kept both girls from
him like he had planned. After dinner Shintaro proposed Ayako and him would get
their children ready. She looked from him to Kazunari, noticing the surprise on
his face, but acquiesced after Akashi´s nod.
It left him with Kazunari who turned to him with evident surprise. After he had
stayed silent for half a minute the other suggested they could do the dishes. He
just nodded and began bringing them into the kitchen where Kazunari washed them
off. He even took a towel to dry them.
“So what is going on here?” The shorter man asked him but he stayed silent.
“Okay … should I guess?”
He nodded. He had no idea how to talk to people like this, he was completely out
of his element. Maybe Kazunari could give him something to work with. Knowing
what he knew would help not to offend him.
“Shin-chan is a terrible liar, so I know you went to the clinic for yourself.
So you fear you might be pregnant.”
“I am,” he injected.
“So you are. As you aren´t known for sleeping around and are much to proud to
let anyone top you voluntarily, I´d guess you were raped.”
“That is correct.”
“I am sorry to hear.” Kazunari sighed and looked at him for a moment.
“Shin-chan hasn´t told me much, but from what I know I guess it was your
father?”
He just nodded. This man was sharp as well. It was to be expected from someone
Shintaro chose as a partner. The whole overly social facade had always made it
seem different, but he should have known.
“Which week are you in?”
“Ten.” He put away some cups. The monotonous work helped.
“You are the personality´s rational part. The fact that you are talking to me
about this means that you either can´t decide about abortion or are unable to
go through with it.”
“It´s the second one. Our third personality won´t let me. Seijuro has
completely shut himself down again, just like in middle-school.”
Kazunari was taking this surprisingly calmly in his opinion. Even Shintaro had
been more emotional than him. How did he do it? “A third?” Kazunari blinked
at him for a moment. “How long did you know about that?”
“Since this afternoon.”
“Shit.” The man shook his head. “So you just learned that you are pregnant
and it´s because of a third personality you didn´t know about?” He didn´t
even wait for confirmation. “Is he even more dangerous than you?”
“It depends on how you look at it.” He dried some plates. “She isn´t
dangerous in a violent or cruel way like I am. She just wants this baby and
she´ll do everything to keep it. That might include shutting me down just like
Seijuro and taking over this body.”
“For … how long?” Kazunari looked at him but seemed like he didn´t need
an answer. “What would she do exactly?”
“She would shut herself in the mansion and raise this child. She wouldn´t let
us out to manage the company.” He hated that. The company was his. He had
trained all his life to manage it, to make it stronger and bigger.
“Would she be dangerous to the child?” Of course Kazunari did not care much
about that.
“That depends. If you think raising someone to be just like me as a whole
personality is a dangerous thing, then yes, she´ll be dangerous.”
“No offense, but yes, that is dangerous in my opinion.” They stayed silent
for a minute. “Do you have a plan what to do now?”
“I´ll sign over all my rights to Shintaro. He´ll gain full control over my
company, my estate and my person.” He nearly ripped the towel. “If Sei takes
over, he´ll find someone to manage the company. I instructed him to take that
child from me as soon as it´s born. If I get dangerous to myself or others, he
is allowed to place me in a psychiatric institute.”
Kazunari took a cautious step away from him.
Akashi told himself to calm down. He hated this. He hated it so much. But
lashing out at others would not solve anything, it would only make it worse. He
continued: “I know this is a heavy burden. Shintaro will ask you for help, so
he told me to explain this to you as well.”
“I see.” The man slowly nodded. “My first priority will be Shin-chan. If
you keep changing back and forth, making him miserable with being sound of mind
or insane in the course of hours, I will tell him to shut off his phone and
treat you as insane until you are stable enough to be yourself for a few days at
least. Everything else will break him down.”
Akashi took a deep breath and nodded.
“My second priority will be your child because the poor thing doesn´t need to
suffer your insanity.”
He just nodded.
“Your company is important to you and we will do our best to be responsible in
your … absence. But between Shin-chan, your child and even yourself, it´s not
high on my priority list. I won´t let Shin-chan screw his career and life to
keep your company running for whenever you might be back. I´ll have him look
for a suitable manager. I know he´ll supervise that person but there might not
be a job for you to return to if or when you do.”
He wasn´t known for bursts of aggression but for once he simply wanted to trash
the table and kitchen and whatever else might get in his hands. He hated this.
He hated being this helpless. Seijuro was the one dealing with helplessness. He
couldn´t do this.
“As long as you are still in control, you might look for suitable managers and
train them,” Kazunari suggested.
He looked up and stared at the other man in silence for a moment. Train someone?
He would not find someone as adept as himself but yes, he might find
substitutes. Maybe a team of substitutes. That was actually a good idea. He
nodded and said: “That is a good idea.”
“Is there anything else I can help with?” A small smile entered Kazunari´s
lips and he relaxed visibly.
“I´d like to explain all this to Ayako.”

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