Split soul   von Gepo
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                             Kapitel 22: Seduction
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His day had been stressful. And that was a very nice way of putting it. Between
his usual appointments, he designed an advert for a mysterious high level
position in his company and some tests to put people through. The first would be
an intelligence test, followed by a strategic test and finally a test about
difficult decisions to look at people´s morals. Hopefully he would still have
some people left after that.
In the middle of his planning, he got a call from his doctor telling him about
his blood results. It would add some more restrictions to his regime and lessen
some others. He asked to be sent an updated version via mail. He was also asked
again if he really wanted to keep the baby. He simply growled and put down the
receiver.
Of course he didn´t. But if even Seijuro wanted him to keep it – if only
until he persuaded Sei otherwise – who was he to argue? He got time to run his
company out of the deal. He should see this rationally, it was a good
compromise. He still hated the fact that he had to make a deal at all. So he
simply ignored the fact that there was a parasite inside of him and focused on
work.
Ultimately he wasn´t in the best of moods when he had to cut his work short to
meet with Ayako for dinner. Why did he have to be the one to keep Seijuro´s
woman around? What did he get out of that? It wasn´t like she … well, maybe
he could get her to sleep with him. Just because Seijuro was a romantic wimp, it
wasn´t like he had to go slow. She knew he wasn´t his alter ego. That might
actually come with some merit for once. If he could not get her to love him,
maybe he could make her desire him? He should be able to, even if Seijuro did
not want him to use his pheromones or bite her.
Suddenly dinner did not sound so bad. They had arranged a time where the kids
would already be in bed, so he did not have to think about that nuisance. At
Shintaro´s he found a perfectly looking dining room with an inside grill on top
of the wooden table but no Ayako. After a bit of searching he found Shintaro
reading some papers who told him that Ayako was still with her daughter. So he
decided to head back to the dining room and work on his own papers until she
showed up. He was in the middle of contract about a coup he had prepared long
before this disaster happened. She began to ready their dinner while he finished
reading it.
“Good evening.” He placed the papers back into his leather bag.
“Thank you for coming.” She smiled at him and started the grill. “I hope
you like meat?”
“Like any man of my position.” A smirk found the way onto his lips until it
soured. “I am not allowed raw or undercooked meat though.”
“It´s good you remember.” She actually looked proud at him. Did it turn her
on that he stuck to the rules of this pregnancy? “So I prepared Yakiniku.”
“Great thinking.” And it was one of his favorite dishes aside from tofu soup
and Unari-don. “Did you get some beef?”
“And pork and chicken and blood-sausage and some kidney and tongue.” She
pointed at the different plates before explaining all sauces to him. “Your
friend Midorima gave me a lot of money to buy dinner. It was the least I could
do for their hospitality. Your friends are very good people.”
“Yes, even I am rather fond of Shintaro and Kazunari.” Should he say more?
“I don´t exactly understand the notion of friends but they are useful
acquaintances. There are only a handful of people I would give favors to without
asking anything in return.”
“You really are all about business, aren´t you?” She did not seem saddened
by that. “So why did you agree to have dinner with me?”
“I hurt you with an emotional outburst.” And didn´t that make him feel bad?
Damn, he had really lost control this morning. “That is very unlike me. I´d
like to rectify that impression.”
“And what would you like me to see you as?” She poured him a drink.
Should he be honest? Yes, he should: “A desirable man.”
“Oh.” A faint blush entered her cheeks. “Well, yes, you are. Among other
things.”
“I´d like you to not concentrate on the other things so much.”
She smiled and coyly looked up to him before saying: “You know … this is
exactly how I imagined Akashi Seijuro to be. Can you imagine how surprised I was
to meet your alter ego instead?”
Yes. Bad thing that Seijuro´s natural act was oddly charming. But he most
likely shouldn´t insult her beloved in front of her. He asked instead: “So
you actually wanted to go on a date with me that first time?”
“That sounds like a trick question.” She began to put meat on the grill.
“What am I supposed to answer?”
Nicely evaded. He began to take some meat from the plates. As she had not been
disappointed by her first date, the answer was most likely no. It seemed like
she was gracious enough not to tell it to his face.
“I would have expected a one-night-stand or some pretty kinky ideas for sex
from someone like you. Meeting Seijuro was like finding a treasure when you
expected to be hunting game instead. I thought I would be used and exploited and
was cherished instead. It doesn´t mean I wouldn´t have liked to go on a date
with you but Seijuro was just more than I ever thought possible.”
Honesty was a good trait as well. Normally he would have taken it in stride. But
right now he just felt unbelievably jealous. What had Seijuro done to make her
feel like this? It had not been anything extraordinary, right? He had watched it
all, it had simply looked normal, not goal-oriented, just … what most people
did. It was what most people did, right?
“Why was what he did so special?” Akashi asked rather sour.
“For most people Omegas are sex objects. They aren´t human, they are things
to be used, they are meant for gratification. We are reduced to nothing but our
bodies. I wouldn´t say that Seijuro was uninterested in my body but for him it
was just a part of who I am. I always felt that I was more to him, that my
personality and my skills and knowledge, that all of that mattered. When Seijuro
told me about you, you sounded like someone that categorized people in
usefulness. An Omega´s usefulness is pretty clear. But I´d like to know you
before I pass on such judgment.”
He looked down onto the grill and flipped some of his pieces. It gave him a
moment to think about this. She was honest and except for manipulation, he did
not know many other ways than being honest himself. But was it a good idea? He
said: “You are right that I categorize people into their usefulness. But you
are more than just a body. You are very intelligent and you helped with Sei
before and you seem to be a very loving mother which is good for children I
guess. I didn´t understand why Seijuro wanted a relationship because I thought
picking up women and fucking them is a lot easier than limiting yourself to one
that might even say no but your relationship taught me the importance of having
someone like you. Seeing you with Seijuro showed me that relationships are about
more than just sex.”
“So would you like to have a relationship?” She took a rather tasty looking
beef piece and ate it with barbecue sauce. She looked a lot less nervous than he
felt, how was that even possible?
“Now that I have emotions … I guess so. Before I got them a relationship
sounded like a hassle. It takes time and money, you get less sex and instead you
have claims and expectations and rules. But talking with you isn´t bad and
looking at how you interact with Natsue feels … good somehow. I am suddenly
feeling lonely and insecure and overwhelmed and a lot more I never had to deal
with before. Right now a relationship sounds just great.”
She blinked in surprise before giving him a once-over and saying: “Since when
do you have emotions? You look extremely unhappy with them.”
“Since Sei tried to take over. I think Seijuro merged with me a bit to oppose
her. But now I am feeling all of this crap I never felt before. There´s anxiety
and helplessness and jealousy and … I am jealous of Seijuro because you like
him so much, that´s just plain stupid. We are the same person, just different
aspects.” He hung his head. “I am so tired of all of this. I know I am the
one that deals with everything others can´t handle but how do they expect me to
do that after giving me feelings?”
He heard the clicking of chopsticks before Ayako asked him: “Can I kiss
you?”
He looked up and saw some strange kind of smile on her face. Was that … pride?
Love? She seemed happy. Why was she happy about the fact that his world was
crushing down around him? No, this couldn´t be. Maybe she was happy about the
fact he told her that? He knew that partners were people you trusted to support
you instead of exploiting your weaknesses. So maybe she was happy he told her
about his worries? Was she offering comfort? Rationally a kiss wouldn´t help
anything, but his feelings were telling him that kissing was a great idea. Gods,
this was confusing. Anyway, a kiss wouldn´t be bad, so he nodded.
While she came around the table, he noticed she had taken the meat of the grill,
so it wouldn´t burn. It wasn´t exactly romantic to think of that before
kissing him but it was endearing all the same. Being interrupted from kissing by
the smell of burned flesh wasn´t exactly appealing. He decided he liked her
thinking. He especially liked the fact that she sat down on his thighs,
straddling his lap and showed no hesitation at all in kissing him. This wasn´t
nice, sweet and innocent like that kiss she had shared with Seijuro. This was
one of those I´ll-suck-your-soul-out-kisses that had a bit of brute force and a
lot of claiming built into them. She had grabbed both sides of his face and had
no problem to invite him in to lick her barbecue-flavored tongue.
Nice. So this was what it felt like to be claimed by an Omega. He rather liked
this scenario of being both in and out of control. And damn if this didn´t feel
spectacular. Seijuro was right, doing this with feelings involved was a hell lot
better than without them. He put his arms around her, one hand on her ass, one
under her shoulder and pulled her onto his crotch. He really wanted to take this
farther, like right now but … was that okay? Wouldn´t he hurt Seijuro if he
fucked his girlfriend without him?
He slowly ended the kiss and actually simply hugged Ayako without further sexual
innuendo. There was no voice, no presence, no nothing that indicated he might be
able to reach Seijuro. He did remember how shocked, disbelieving and finally how
immensely angry his alter ego had been when he had viewed those memories of him
violating Kuroko. He knew that deep in his heart, Seijuro had not forgiven him
for that, not one bit. No matter how much he mocked and laughed at his alter ego
for that, he knew that he had done wrong in the eyes of his other personality.
Fucking Ayako would be the exact same thing again. If he was jealous of Seijuro
for having a good relationship with her, how jealous would his alter ego be for
sleeping with his girlfriend while he was unavailable? Gods, why did he suddenly
have to have empathy?
Ayako hugged him back and hummed a soft tune. The more he was able to feel, the
more he understood why Seijuro felt like this woman was perfect. She simply
accepted him, them, everything. What kind of women accepted a complete fuck-up
like him? She was precious. Why couldn´t she be his girlfriend? Was it possible
for her to be both of their girlfriends? He wished he could discuss this with
Seijuro. He didn´t want to hurt his alter ego, but damn did he want to fuck
this woman. He craved that feeling of being accepted like this. Since when had
he ever wanted to be accepted by someone?
“Does this make you feel better in any way?,” she asked after leaning back a
bit.
“While it does, I´d still rather not have emotions.” He shifted her on his
lap, so that he could hold her with one arm. With his other he took his
chopsticks to get some half-grilled meat and dipped it into the barbecue sauce
to offer it to Ayako. “I like women that taste of barbecue sauce.”
She laughed at that, ate the meat from his chopsticks and kissed him again after
swallowing.
“We should really stop or we´ll never finish dinner,” he mumbled against
her lips after the kiss.
“Is that a bad thing?,” she asked playfully.
“I fear it is, I have a strict plan to adhere to.” Which added another
problem. Would Sei even allow him to have sex or might that endanger their
child? “Let´s stick to conversations, alright?”
“As you wish.” She moved over to her side of the table again. “I am
surprised at myself how attracted I am to you. Are you using your
pheromones?”
“No, it´s my natural charm.” He smiled roguishly. “I admit that I don´t
adore you like Seijuro does but I am able to appreciate you. That might have a
more physical side to it.”
“You are the horrible combination of dangerous, desirable and detached. Now
that you added a bit of cuteness to that, you trigger every Omega instinct I
have. That´s really not fair, even when you hold back on the pheromones.” She
placed the meat back on the grill, giving him some pieces that were well-done by
now.
“Then it´s good I am still able to make rational decisions. I think you would
regret sleeping with me.”
“Would I?” She looked up in surprise. “Why do you think so?”
“Because I am not Seijuro.” Those words stung. Admitting out loud that you
were second best was a lot more hurtful than just thinking so. He wished they
had talked about this before.
“I know that. Why is that a problem?” She tilted her head.
“Why?” He blinked. “Well, you would be basically betraying your boyfriend,
wouldn´t you?”
She stared at him for a moment before sobering and asking with a hint of anger:
“You have one body, you are one soul. Even if you never merge, you are still
one person, aren´t you? Or did you plan to get yourself a different girlfriend
because I belong to Seijuro?”
“Well, no, I … I didn´t … I mean-” He scrunched his eyebrows. What
should he say to that? “I just think we should talk this through with him
before we hurt him, you know? He´s asleep. Or something else, I don´t know, I
can´t talk to him. You know … I raped his last lover. We don´t have the best
of histories when it comes to relationships. I hurt him because I didn´t know
better, I didn´t understand anything about him or his feelings. If I were him I
would have no problem about me sleeping with you but I am not sure Seijuro
thinks like me. I don´t want to destroy what you two have in
thoughtlessness.”
She looked at him for a long moment before asking: “Why?”
“Why what?” He looked at her questioningly.
“Why do you care about his feelings?” Her expression was dark like she was
angered.
“Well, he´s my … Ayako, are you feeling alright? It´s not like you to ask
such a question. You sound like you want me to hurt his feelings.” Which was
rather strange. He was sure she loved his alter ego. She had also never offered
herself like she did earlier. Now that he thought about that, it was strange as
well. She detested being seen like a sexual object but she behaved a bit like
she wanted to be treated that way. “When is your heat due?”
“It´s still two days off.” She put her arms around herself. “What does
that have to do with anything?”
“Because you are acting strangely. You sound callous and I know you aren´t.
It might be subconscious but you are trying to get me to sleep with you and
while I´d love to, it´s contrary to how you acted up to now.” Damn did that
make him sound like a good guy. This was so unlike him. Having emotions did
strange things to his character.
“But I-,” she stopped herself and blinked. After a moment she lowered her
gaze and shook her head. “You are right, I really want to sleep with you and
it´s strange because that wasn´t in any way what I was planning before. This
is very unlike me.”
“Maybe this pregnancy is messing with my pheromones and it´s so slight I am
not even noticing it myself. I really don´t want to force you into sleeping
with me and I did that with Kuroko. I don´t want to do this to Seijuro twice. I
didn´t rape Kuroko because I like rape, I did it because I thought it was
alright what I did. I fear I am somehow manipulating you into wanting to sleep
with me. I did the same with Kuroko and didn´t even notice back then.”
Ayako nodded and sighed. Her voice was low when she said: “Thank you for
stopping me.”
“I did listen to Seijuro when he explained my wrongdoings, even if I mocked
him.” And now that he suddenly had emotions he was thankful he had. Just
thinking about hurting his alter ego pained him like if he had actually done
something to him. So this was what people called a moral compass. No wonder
Seijuro had been angry with him. How did you explain not having any inner voice
at all to someone whose empathy felt as natural as breathing?
“You´re not so bad, you know?” She smiled at him.
“That´s because I am partly merged with Seijuro, believe me. Now that I can
feel a sliver of what he feels, a lot of things suddenly seem clearer. It´s an
interesting experience but not exactly useful in my overall situation.” He
stopped in his motion for a second. “Maybe he gave me a part of himself so I
would not fuck up his relationship while he was away?”
Ayako smiled wryly at that.
“It actually makes sense.” Akashi sighed. “Oh well. I hope he shows up
again so I can ask him if sleeping with you is okay if you actually want it. And
I best ask you that via mail, so I don´t influence your decision too much.”
“And then you´ll schedule a meeting?” Her voice was mocking.
He lifted one corner of his mouth as well as one eyebrow which made her laugh.
“Sounds like a plan.” She winked at him.

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