Maddening von AiHaibaraChan ================================================================================ Kapitel 1: ----------- Oh, he made her furious. That smug grin on his face, the crook was scanning the room. Sara was sitting in a dark corner of a bar watching him undetected. Mick had brought her here. Said, he had come here once or twice when he ‘had to think’ and tried ‘to not fuckin’ burn everythin’. His broody, grater-like voice echoed in her ears. Sara smiled, Mick was a good guy. As long as no one said that out loud. He’d always try to restore his reputation immediately. But that crook over there, he was a different story. Sara had not expected much when she had set foot into the reeking dive. At least she hadn’t expected HIM. At all. But yeah, of course Mick would come here. He was hiding somewhere else right now, probably wanted to avoid her looking at him in pity. But she wouldn’t do that. Sitting here watching Snart being just Snart, unaware of everything he had ever done to save people he had loved, or will do, to be precise, had a strange gravity on her, too. This was his past. She respected that he have had his, as much as she have had her own. But it didn’t mean she had to like everything about it. Then again, he had never been the bad guy in this story, not really and not more than herself. She could see it even now. And still this wasn’t him. This version had to learn so much yet, and he wouldn’t recognize her. He wouldn’t know her. For quite some time she had been like a third member of their little crew, the outsiders on the waverider. But she could just walk over there and at best he’d make a dirty joke she could jump on, only to have an excuse to talk to him. Still she’d be a stranger to him. But he wouldn’t do that, because the truth was, that wasn’t him either, only a facade even then. Long ago Sara had admitted to herself how much she missed just playing cards with him. Or anything else, really. Because over the time being together on the ship had made him let his guard down and he’d been quite companionable. Well, to his chosen few at least, she thought amused. Not that guy over there, making a face like the cat that just swallowed the canary. The connotation made her smile again. God damn it, she was already going nuts, sitting here smiling about that son of a bitch getting in her head. Like, again! The place someone else had prevent her from for the time being, someone that wasn’t him. Standing in front of her and not. And right now she started to feel this familiar rage, like if seeing him being just not him had lifted her preternatural self-control she worked so hard for, while she had trained with the League of Assassins. This urgent, hot want to destroy the figure that wasn’t him. At least she was still far from a real urge to kill, but for how long? She had to swallow. Where the fuck was Mick again? She needed to go, and not soon but immediately. Oh, and she needed to kick Mick’s sorry ass back to the nineties for that matter. ‘Capable assassin, my ass’, she thought. She had never been good at accepting things but smashing things, bowl them down and mess them up, especially when family was involved, her pack. And she heard his voice ringing in her head, joking like ‘One does not simply heal from the bloodlust.’ She almost laughed. That was indeed a very Snart-like response to her thoughts. No, ‘one does not’ and especially not her, right? After everything what happened one had simply the right to be fucking mad. Mad was her very specialty, but why did she feel her eyes tearing up? Well, because being the damn captain of a timeship wasn’t making things easier. To know you have a chance of seeing the dead again but never speak to them, never touch them and never save them was pure madness and the rest. Sara rushed out of the bar in no time and she knew she wouldn’t come back, ever. Had Mick tricked her into this or was he really taking comfort in it? This wasn’t him after all. And this wasn't fair. This wasn’t the man who had call upon her conscience when she had almost made a huge mistake, and had come over to play cards afterwards as if nothing had happened, to make her feel better. This wasn’t the man who was never afraid to tease her even at times everyone else had feared her bloodlust. And of course it was definitely not the man who had given his life to save his team and a whole timeline, all without taking any credits. The man this crook would become one day was already dead. This was just a forshadowing of a man she used to know, she maybe even had loved in a way. But she wouldn’t let that getting the best of her. Sara was aware that a day of weakness could drive her too far, to fuck the rules and just go there talk to him and finding a glimpse of what she knew had always been inside of him. And this was just a taste. Suddenly there was this thought in her head while she ran her way back to the ship, as if she fled from something. She won’t ever be able to go seeing her sister one last time. There was no way she could ever be strong enough to not save Laurel... “Welcome back, Captain Lance.” the blonde heard Gideon, as she rushed toward her cabin, ignoring a knowingly nodding Stein who also made a weird comment she didn’t understand about a Schrodingers-Snart. For tonight she’d only try to shake off feeling like Alice on a weird fucking tea-party in a gross pub, going bananas. This was only the second time being on a timeship fucked her up. And she was captain now. Only an eternity left to hold out, she thought, when she felt the veil of her anger lifting and a tear running down her cheek. 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