Not again!

Ohh, I loved reading your MSTing and I'm really sorry about my English (I think it's bad, but that's no problem for me, I mean.. well, I don't know what I mean, actually)!
I think you've got a great humour, it's often sarcastic and astute, well done^^
You have mentioned, that you love to get constructive critism (I do, too and that rhymes, how great!) and that is what I'm going to do now (at least I hope so) :

I love the couple Sirius/Remus, but not in the way you did it.
What I want to say with these words: They are great together as commentators in MSTings (the sentence is wrong, I feel it...), especially Remus with the Grammar and Sirius with his stupid comments =)
Okay, and here's the truth : I do NOT like Shonen-Ai. It's not because I'm intolerant or something like that but a lot of Fanfictions are Shonen-Ai and I hate.. ehhh... Zwangsverschwulung ;)
But I mean, the way you described their little relationship (is there one?) is very nice, i loved it.
-> "She was what made my life liveable and also my little boy Harry,"
Remus: I know what’s coming...
Sirius: Me, too...
-> "whom I even now haven’t told that he is my child,"
Boys: ‘course... TT.TT Poor James.
Oh-my-Gosh!
NO! I was worried about it and I was right! That's so typical and aaaargh>__< I mean, HELLO? Harry looks like James, there is no nose like a closp (Hakennase) and his hair isn't oily! NO! And of course, he has the same body as James... I mean, maybe had Lily cheated on Severus? I wish it for Harry ;)
-> "Now, I am on my dying bed and waiting for Lily to get me."
Sirius: ... Now I have images which I really never wanted to have.
Remus: Sometimes you’re a sick, sick dog, Padfoot.
Do I understand the sentence like it is meant? XDD Oh please, don't think of me like a person who is so.. *lalala* I didn't say anything...
-> "My baby boy, how I love you, please forgive me my selfishness."
Sirius: *SNORT*
Remus: His baby boy, now is he? *G* We should pester Snape with that.
Neru: I’ll help! That’ll be fun.
Ooooooooh, I really think that this is something special.. it reminds me of the Song Baby Boy from Beyonce and Sean Paul (Baby Boy, stay on my mind, fulfill my fantasies.. I think about you all the time, I see you in my dreams.. Baby Boy not a day goes by, without my fantasies..) Well, okay, it sounds a little bit gay when you think of Snape who would sing it under the shower in the morning, before he has a doublehour magic-potions with Harry >__<"
-> "Name: Harold Salazar Evan-Snape
Name of the mother: Lillian Orchid Evens
Name of the father: Severus Salvatore Snape"
Everyone: Errrrrrrrr...
Yes, this was my thought. They're so right with it... I mean, come on!
It is so creepy, it even makes my toe nails roll up-.-
Why does everybody think, people must have a second name? (I have to say, that I also have a second name but that's not very important, eh?!) And at the first time, I thought the second name of Severus was Salazar? Wasn't it named in the FF? HA! It WAS!
-> "This is my, Severus Salazar Snape’s, Last Will and Testament."
I KNEW IT!
And of course, I hate it when people make mistakes in their FFs... Salvatore is somethin Latin American, isn't it? I can't believe, that Severus Mum was a Latina... I think - though I always plead for artistic license - that Lily hadn't a second name. And naturally she is named Lily, not Lilly or Lillian-.-
My last comment to the second names : Harold! HAROLD! Wasn't Harry named in the first book Harold by his uncle? When Vernon askes his wife of the name of their nephew? And she answered, that Harry is called Harry. Not Harold. And of course not Salazar! And of course not Evan-Snape, because Lily's surname was Evans!
Hmpf, how disgusting. And now some critism which is onstructive.. maybe:
I prefer your style of writing more than other MSTings, because you're more ironic than the others and it is also very dry. Sometimes, I miss the black humour but in special cases, you can't write it in the words I like.. (I hope you understand me)
I also miss the feelings of Remus, not the lovable Remus, the other, Werewolf-Remus! When he freaks out because of the Grammar (To your defence : There weren't a lot of grammar mistakes or wrong spelling) or when he animadverts Sirius .__.

Soooo..
I think, that was my opinion.
Write more MSTings (I'm lookinf forward to and to your other FFs when there are some.. and when they are not that much Shonen-Ai) and I write more comments which are sooo long, very long and even longer xDD
Adhara³
P.s. This is my longest commenent since I read FFs and MSTings so you have to feel honoured^___^

Hey, that was pretty good! I love english MSTings as the language sounds so much more sarcastic and dry. But it was the first story you wrote in a foreign language, right? One could tell that from the beginning, the use of words sounded a little bit insecure at first, but it went a hell lot better as the story proceeded.

My favourite:

Sirius: "Voldemort really does pay more." *rofl*

I'm looking forward to read more rom you!

Best wishes,
Kisa

Howdy,
that was great. I love fanfictions or MStings in english. Is yours the first one in english, isn't it?

So, my fav' quotes:

///And after Severus had written his will he fell asleep to never wake again.
Sirius: Shouldn’t that better be: and never woke again. Or something? Because that way it sounds disturbingly like a fairy tale.
Remus: Come on, please, even Sirius is defending the grammar!///

Then...

///Not many had known the man behind the mask of indifference but they knew that Severus Snape was a man of his word and as such he should be remember and not as the death eater many made him to be.

Remus: Er, yeah. Any comments?
Sirius: *not able to speak*
Neru: *jaw on floor*
Remus: I think that’s a ‘no’.///

And...

///You helped me to atone myself and gave me a reason to go on. For you my dear father I have a live long supply for that blasted lemon drops your so fond of and a copy of my pensive.

Neru: Whoa, you can copy Pensieves? Can I have one of yours?
Sirius: If we had any, I’d need them myself, because no, you can’t copy a Pensieve.
Neru: Bugger.
Remus: Language.///

I'm lookin' forward to hear more from you.

Kate

I laughed so hard! XD~
THANKFULLY it was the only chapter, yes. And beware of clichés, that too, yes.
Gods, I can't write a comment, my brain's mush.
Oh, and did you notice, Snape's name changed from Salazar to Salvatore. Sounds Spanish.
...

XDDD~