this is my first attempt on an english one shot. i'm sorry for any mistakes, i'd be glad to know how you feel about my writing in this language!
enjoy!
PP
Dream a little dream of me...
Erstellt: 31.01.2011
Letzte Änderung: 31.01.2011
Letzte Änderung: 31.01.2011
abgeschlossen
Englisch
2478 Wörter, 1 Kapitel
2478 Wörter, 1 Kapitel
Thema: Naruto
Fanfic lesen
| Kapitel | Datum | Andere Formate | Daten |
|---|---|---|---|
| Kapitel 1 I have a dream | E: 31.01.2011 U: 31.01.2011 |
Kommentare (2) 2474 Wörter abgeschlossen |
Kommentare zu dieser Fanfic (2)
Von: abgemeldet
08.02.2011 20:08
hey :D
also ich hoffe du erwartest jetzt kein kommentar auf englisch von mir ich würde mich wahrscheinlich mit meiner rechtschreibung und grammatik völlig plamieren ;)
dein os hat mir gut gefallen er war flüssig zu lesen und grammatik fehler fallen mir in englisch eh selten auf :P du hast die charackter getroffen und die idee der geschichte war orginel
ich muss sagen ich mag zwar die englische sprache os in dieser sind aber eig nicht mein fall aber deiner war wirklich gut :)
also liebe grüße
great one shot ;D
line
also ich hoffe du erwartest jetzt kein kommentar auf englisch von mir ich würde mich wahrscheinlich mit meiner rechtschreibung und grammatik völlig plamieren ;)
dein os hat mir gut gefallen er war flüssig zu lesen und grammatik fehler fallen mir in englisch eh selten auf :P du hast die charackter getroffen und die idee der geschichte war orginel
ich muss sagen ich mag zwar die englische sprache os in dieser sind aber eig nicht mein fall aber deiner war wirklich gut :)
also liebe grüße
great one shot ;D
line
Von: abgemeldet
02.02.2011 23:26
Hey,
well I am not a big fan of english written FFs (god knows why^^, I am studying english, you know ;) But I really gotta say, that I like what I have just read. Your writing style is very easy to read and you kinda adapt it to the characters, who you've represented very well by the way^^. Shikamaru is just being Shikamaru, a careless young boy who is in need of resting in quietness. Well, and Ino is the hysterical and crazy girl, who is just interested in boys. So you did a good job on the characters.
The only thing that confused me was the grammatical aspect. Before I tell you what I mean, you should know that I am not so sure about it. There are a lot of sentences that seemed to be written in the wrong tense. You mostly used simple present, but there are a lot of cases in which I rather would have used simple progressive. Take for example the following sentence:
"That’s why I now stand in her doorway while Mr. Yamanaka opens the door."
Well this sentence is a little bit confusing.
I would have written it that way:
"That's why I am now standing in her doorway, while Mr.Yamanaka opens the door" But as I have already said, I am not so sure about it.
And you know why? Because as far as I know, there are some cases, in which only simple present is used, even though something happens in a specific point of time. For example when writing summaries! So, if you know the answer to this I would be grateful if you let me know xD
And just to sum it up for you: I really liked your OS. You are talented in describing what you "see", what makes a good FF (well, at least in my opinion^^) and your english is very good (as far as I can judge). It is like as if you are painting a picture. Simply great!
I hope this review gave you an impression of how good your OS actually is :D Well done! Keep it up!
Justice
well I am not a big fan of english written FFs (god knows why^^, I am studying english, you know ;) But I really gotta say, that I like what I have just read. Your writing style is very easy to read and you kinda adapt it to the characters, who you've represented very well by the way^^. Shikamaru is just being Shikamaru, a careless young boy who is in need of resting in quietness. Well, and Ino is the hysterical and crazy girl, who is just interested in boys. So you did a good job on the characters.
The only thing that confused me was the grammatical aspect. Before I tell you what I mean, you should know that I am not so sure about it. There are a lot of sentences that seemed to be written in the wrong tense. You mostly used simple present, but there are a lot of cases in which I rather would have used simple progressive. Take for example the following sentence:
"That’s why I now stand in her doorway while Mr. Yamanaka opens the door."
Well this sentence is a little bit confusing.
I would have written it that way:
"That's why I am now standing in her doorway, while Mr.Yamanaka opens the door" But as I have already said, I am not so sure about it.
And you know why? Because as far as I know, there are some cases, in which only simple present is used, even though something happens in a specific point of time. For example when writing summaries! So, if you know the answer to this I would be grateful if you let me know xD
And just to sum it up for you: I really liked your OS. You are talented in describing what you "see", what makes a good FF (well, at least in my opinion^^) and your english is very good (as far as I can judge). It is like as if you are painting a picture. Simply great!
I hope this review gave you an impression of how good your OS actually is :D Well done! Keep it up!
Justice
