Stop Running
Darkness, Loneliness. He was just so tired, but couldn’t do anything against it. He had promised to wait and he had never broken a promise before. Just as he was about to fall asleep there was a flash of light and he snapped wide awake again, looking around a little confused. But of course it was not what he expected and he slowly closed his eyes again, yawning. „Are you still waiting?“ The voice startled him but as he looked around frantically nothing was to be seen and he shuddered a little, just shaking his head. „Go away.“ A small chuckle was the answer and he rolled his eyes, whilst the other one came closer, so he could embrace him. „No you don’t want me to go, darling~“ Mana sighed deeply but didn’t say anything more, not even as his unwanted guest let go so he could sit down on the bench next to him, starring in the black sky as well. It was a lonely place, far away from society, surrounded by a big forrest and the beach was just close enough to hear. It took him one week to come here - three days to find a way through the dark forrest and some more days to find a way to climb the cliffs. He had left two months ago already but didn’t know where he wanted to go until one day he had overheard a conversation about an old house on the cliffs, where no one wanted to live because it was said that the house was cursed and everyone who tried to stay in the house committed suicide after three days. He didn’t care, there was nothing left in this world that he was afraid of and he just wanted to be alone, without anyone who would be able to get on his nerves. But unfortunately Kaya had found him. He should have thought about it before - Kaya always found him, especially when he didn’t want anybody to find him. Now it was too late and he was pretty sure that even if he threw the other one down the cliff it wouldn’t matter. Besides, he didn’t want to kill Kaya - a small part of him was glad that the other had shown up - before he could go insane. If he wasn’t already that is. „Why do you do this to yourself?“ He could hear Kaya sigh, but didn’t look up, starring into the darkness, without seeing anything - his mind wasn’t around anymore and so he didn’t even complain when Kaya pulled him in a tight embrace. He didn’t care - it wasn’t important anymore. Nothing was important anymore since K left.
With a sigh, Mana closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He didn’t know what to do anymore, he was restless for no reason, and nothing helped. No matter what he did. He couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. He was so sick of it. And couldn’t even do anything against this as well. A small whimper left his lips just when he heard soft footsteps approaching him and before he knew it, he found himself in a tight embrace and buried his face in the other ones chest, trying to deeply inhale the scent of his lover. „I’m sorry honey…I should have recognized it sooner, right?“ Mana just shook his head, clinging to the other man as if he never ever wanted to let him go again and eventually managed to look up to kiss him desperately. He didn’t know why but K always managed to calm him down with ease. After they finally parted Mana sniffled, cuddling to his boyfriend again and just enjoyed being held. Even he always tried to act strong and independent, deep down inside it was a different matter. Too much had happened in the past, too much he didn’t want to think about it because he was sure he couldn’t stand it again. Leaving his family was one thing but being kicked out another and he still didn’t know why they did this. He never got an explanation anyways, just one day his father told him that they wanted him to leave and some hours later he was out on his own, with a big suitcase and a bag that contained not much more than his purse and his mobile phone. And that had been it. Since then he hadn’t had contact to his family ever again - first Közi didn’t want him to and then no one ever tried to get in touch with him again. No one ever tried calling him for years and somewhen he gave up on the thought that someone would miss him. At least he was able to stay with his best friend and soon they had had a band - all he ever wanted to have so he had hoped that once in his life everything would be alright and he had never been so wrong before. From then on everything went worse. First their vocal left due to musical differences then their drummer died. They agreed to never replace him, depending on support drummers ever since but that was not the end. The final blow came when their second vocal had to be kicked out of the band - due to musical differences again. And when they finally found a third vocal it barely lasted a year before everything went to hell. After that - he changed. Everything changed and left him broken in a way he wasn’t sure it could ever be fixed again.
Now knowing what to do - he decided to run. Burning all bridges he had left the town, left Közi and everything that was left from his life. He had aimed for a brand new start - and after one month he finally got the chance to. Working in a karaoke bar he nearly run into his fate. It had been late, he had been tired and hadn’t looked where he was going - so he ran into this damn good looking bastard - too stunned to tell him to let go after he had bewared him from tumbling to the ground and somehow they ended up talking in a near café until it was almost ten in the morning - his shift had ended somewhere between four and half past four o clock in the mornings but somehow he hadn’t realized how the time passed and he nearly fell asleep on the table, so K asked to bring him home - and much to his own surprise he allowed it. It was only a very small flat he had owned but it had been enough for him back then. They soon met again after that morning - and again. And again. Three months passed, before K started visiting him in the bar whenever his own job allowed and somewhere after six months they became official. And inseparable as well. It didn’t take long until they decided to move together - K was around his apartment anyways, every free minute and it was only logical to get a bigger flat so they had all the space they needed. It was perfect - and once in a while - Mana was happy again. It felt like life finally turned back to normal, like he eventually got all he wanted - a man that loved him, no matter what and who was able to be there for him when things weren’t easy, who supported him and especially - who stayed with him, even after being yelled at and after he had thrown things after him. K understood and held him when he cried in his arms in the night. He had also never asked, just listened, and tried to support him. It was a time where he thought that everything would be ok and nothing bad could happen in his life ever again. So the months passed and somewhen they had turned into years, without both of them fully realizing it. But they had been young, not really caring for the future or thinking that they would even have one without each other. They were so in love - who could have separated them?
He hadn’t realized that he had started crying again until Kaya suddenly pulled him in his lap to hug him tightly, whispering soothing words into his ear. „Darling, why do you have to cause me so much trouble?“ Mana just looked up to shake his head again,taking a deep breath and grimacing slightly. „Because you deserve it, maybe? Why do you even keep following me? I wanted to be alone, not getting hugged by a damn witch…“ Kaya just sighed, before he started to caress his back and Mana involuntarily relaxed, leaning into the touch. How could he have missed this so much? „You know…If that’s what you really wish for…I can help you.“ Mana blinked in confusion - had the other gone insane and not himself now? „What do you mean?“ Kaya just smiled and licked his lips, looking around for a while as if he just saw their surroundings for the first time. The trees, the night sky, the nature… And then he turned back to Mana with the biggest smile on his lips ever. „I can give the key to eternity to you - but you have to truly want it - otherwise it’s not gonna work.“ Now he was pretty sure that Kaya had lost it and he slowly slipped from his lap, trying not to show that maybe he would have better tried throwing the other one down the cliffs when he still had been able to. Now he was not in a good position anymore - and besides - completely alone. With Kaya who smiled at him like a donkey which got insane and behind him were only the cliffs and some more trees. Fucking perfect. This was not how he had intended to die. Not that he wanted to die anyways. „Darling, don’t you think it’s time for you to stop running?“ Mana shuddered before he sighed deeply, closing his eyes once more. „Maybe.“ He wasn’t even sure if there was a point in running away anymore, Kaya obviously seemed to be faster - and able to find him wherever he went. „Alright…Let’s give it a try, just tell me what do you mean with the key to eternity?“ Even he wasn’t entirely sure he really wanted to know - but maybe, just maybe he was so tired of everything that he just didn’t care anymore - three days without sleep at all and not being able to sleep properly for months finally took it’s toll on him and when Kaya gestured to him to sit down on the bench next to him again he just did so without even questioning it. He was just so tired of everything and in the end nothing mattered anymore. So why should he bother if Kaya had gone insane? It couldn’t get any worse from here, so he was sure of and with a wary smile he let the other one start talking again, trying his best to listen and not let Kaya see that he was close to running away again.
Five years of happiness passed way to fast, their love nothing more but a pile of dust on an old diary. Mana didn’t even know when it had started - just that one day K didn’t return home. At first, he didn’t suspect anything, his lover worked pretty hard after all and sometimes came home some hours later without a warning because he had had to help out but this shouldn’t be the case. Hours passed with Mana waiting, getting more nervous than ever when finally the sun rose again and still there was no trace of his boyfriend, as if the earth himself had swallowed him during the night. Another day passed - and he had tried everything. Calling K, calling his work. No one ever picked up the phone and when he had left the house to go and ask about his lover the only answer he got was that K had left work some hours late but had said that he had wanted to go straight back home to not cause him too much worry. So practically no one had spoken to him since yesterday anymore and had assumed K had fallen sick. Bewildered he had returned home, not sure what to think about this now. K would have never left him, Mana was pretty sure. They loved each other and even though he could be hard to handle, K had never complained before. And surely he wouldn’t have had missed the signs if something had been up. Or would he? K would have talked to him. He should have talked to him…Suddenly he had felt sick, and somehow had managed to get into the bedroom before his knees gave up and he cuddled together in their bed, crying himself to sleep. The next days were the personification of horror for him. K didn’t show up, didn’t call, didn’t try to get in touch with him in any way. If they hadn’t taken pictures and printed them, putting them up in the flat - he would have started to doubt that K had even been real. Countless calls of work - Ks and his - were ignored. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat - barely being able to breath and he spent the days either on the bed or the sofa - crying until exhaustion got the better of him and forced him to sleep. Mana had no idea how much time had passed but one night K was back. He was woken by soft fingers tracing over his skin, and when he snapped awake he saw K smile back at him. They had spent the whole night together and the last thing he had remembered before falling back asleep was Ks soft voice, whispering „Wait for me.“ The next morning he didn’t even know if that had been a dream or not but since then, he was waiting. Eventually he had had to leave their flat because no one was paying rent anymore and he had just packed all of their things, locking them up and leaving once more. He hadn’t really had plans where to go but somehow found himself going back - and when he showed up on Közis doorstep his best friend seemed to be confused but didn’t chase him away and that was how he met Kaya.
At first sight he had almost been sure about Kaya being a woman - if Kaya hadn’t been with Közi - and if he hadn’t seen him naked. But the last part had been an accident - he had been dead tired, only wanting to go to bed and sleep for some hours as long as his broken mind would let him - not really caring for his surroundings anymore - and then there had been Kaya in the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his head and that had been everything that the other wore in this moment. It had taken him some moments to fully realize what was going on and that he was starring and he shouldn’t definitely not be starring - and then Kaya smiled at him - and he had turned around and left, crawling into his bed without even looking back anymore. The good thing was that he still had had money on his bank account - much money, so they somehow found an arrangement of letting him stay and doing all the choirs with Kaya helping him from time to time. It was a great time but still he just couldn’t forget about K and the promise he made. Közi did try and ask of course but he just couldn’t talk to him and eventually his best friend didn’t try and ask again, instead doing his best to cheer him up again and somehow it worked. Unlike him, Közi had stayed in the music business, forming another band and when they played in Tokyo he had made it a habit to drag Mana along to listen and have fun with them, Kaya joining in as often as he could. So two more years passed but he just couldn’t get happy anymore, an indescribable feeling of longing getting stronger deep inside his heart with each passing day until he just couldn’t take it anymore. But this time Közi didn’t let him go. Instead he had made him sit down and have some drinks with the other one until finally he couldn’t keep quiet any longer, telling his best friend everything about K and their relationship and afterwards he cried two hours in Közis arms before he finally fell asleep. He couldn’t help him but didn’t want him to go as well - it was annoying and didn’t take long until he was completely hurting all over again - but this time there was no one to kiss the pain away. His condition got worse day by day until Mana ended up in hospital because he had refused to eat for weeks and Kaya had found him passed out in the kitchen. It had been horrifying. Especially with no solution in sight - Közi did his best, asking his contacts for help to find K but it was no use - he seemed to have vanished from this world, completely. Without a trace left behind. Their old band members had tried to talk to Mana as soon as he was awake again, trying to cheer him up - everyone in their own special way - but nothing helped. Had Mana been broken before now he was completely destroyed.
In the end it had been Kaya who had forced him back into the music business. He hadn’t asked, just dragged him around to some bands who were still searching for members and didn’t let him go before the band had either said no or that they would need time to decide. Soon after Kaya made him meet an old friend of his - Juka and somehow they eventually clicked and it turned out that this could work. So Mana got a band again - but he gave up on speaking completely, writing down what he wanted his bandmembers to know and refused to talk for interviews. No one realized that he was dying inside more and more, his songs being the only way to let his feelings come out. They were depressing but beautiful and the fans loved them. But it didn’t help, still Mana knew that he missed something and that it would be impossible to find while he would stuck in the music industries, but he just couldn’t let go of the band - somehow it kind of felt like home and he was torn apart between leaving and staying. Finally it was Juka who made his decision - hadn’t the vocal told him that he had fallen in love with him, maybe the band would have lasted some more years. But this was too much for him and so decided to run. They had been on tour, but he just didn’t care anymore, leaving their hotel Mana had headed for the next bar to get some drinks and that was when he had heard about this spooky house, far outside and probably cursed but it sounded perfect to him and when he came back he was so lost in thoughts that he didn’t even care anymore that Juka was crying and clinging to him, begging to give him a chance, because he really really really loved him. The rest of the tour was canceled the next day and as soon as he came home he started packing his things. „So you’re running away again, princess?“ Közi hadn’t been at home - being on tour with his own band but Kaya was - and he definitely was not happy but Mana didn’t care, at least he knew where he needed to be now. „Leave me alone, Kaya.“ He had missed the glare the other had given him then, placing a note for Közi on the kitchen table, stating that he was very sorry but he just couldn’t stay any longer. „A broken heart is a scary thing, isn’t it? It keeps beating but it never heals~ Why don’t you let me help you?“ For the first time in years Mana had laughed, shaking his head and just giving the other one an amused look. That had been his second mistake in minutes. „So what - want to proof to me that you’re a damn witch and let me forget about K? Sorry but I’m not interested.“ And with that he had left Kaya behind, left the flat - finally on his way with a destination and hoping that there he would find peace and could wait without anyone disturbing him. People became so clingy in these days it was scary somehow.
Mana just blinked, starring at Kaya with wide eyes - no way he had heard that right now. No way that this was true. As the other slowly reached out a hand, he flinched, just shaking his head but remind frozen where was still sitting on the bench. No he had to be kidding. „Honey~“ Kayas sweet voice made him look up again, shuddering as he was met with a gaze from red eyes, which seemed to try and burn into his soul. „No…“ He could only whisper, terrified while his heart was beating so hard in his chest it almost hurt. Cold fingers brushed over his cheek, and Mana wished he could slap them away but impossible his whole body just seemed to be frozen in shock. „Ah, don’t look at me like this, darling. I’ll make it quick, I promise.“ Kaya smiled, revealing sharp fangs, glistening in the pale light of the moon, finally making him realize that the other one was very far from being a witch but had been a vampire all along. „No…“ He couldn’t say yes to something like this. K loved him like he was - human, fragile, mortal. He just couldn’t throw this all away. „You said you’ll wait for him, right? Saying that and not meaning forever is cruel, Mana-chan.“ Kayas fingertips started to dance over his chest, making him shiver but Mana didn’t resist when the other pulled him closer and closer, until their lips where only some millimeters apart. „What is it that your heart wants, dear? What is your deepest desire?“ „K.“ He answered without thinking about it, finally clinging to Kaya with tears in his eyes. „I want K to be at my side again.“ The kiss made him struggle for the first seconds before he lost the fight against the tears and somehow he ended up in the other ones lap again, kissing Kaya back as if his life depended on it. When they broke the kiss he felt dizzy, too tired to fight anymore and even his tears had dried slowly but steadily. It even took Mana some moments to realize that Kaya had already bitten him, drinking his blood and he slowly closed his eyes, waiting for it to be over. Somewhen he had obviously fallen asleep because the next thing he knew was that something pressed against his lips and that he had never felt this thirsty for ages. So he drank without even bothering to open his eyes again, only looking up when he heard someone scold him to stop. Even he didn’t want to something about this voice made him let go of the other ones wrist, licking his lips instead and when he finally opened his eyes again, he was met by a loving smile. „Hello, beautiful.“ Somehow he managed to smile back, slowly taking in his surroundings. They weren’t outside anymore but in the house - in his bedroom - where he still tried to fall asleep every night with Ks face burned into his mind. And now he wouldn’t ever need to sleep again. „Sorry darling, but you passed out while I was drinking and I thought maybe you want to wake up to something familiar.“ Kaya chuckled slightly and Mana just shook his head, pulling the other one down to kiss him once more. Somehow it felt like all the pain he had felt over the years had disappeared and he felt a strange kind of relief inside. Kaya just gave him a confused glance and this time it was Mana who smiled even he felt like laughing because this look was just too adorable.
„Don’t worry, I won’t eat you.“ Kaya snorted, clearly pouting now and still confused about the situation, so he sighed and carefully sat up, leaning at the other one for support. „Kaya…I’m sorry.“ Mana closed his eyes again, still not used to see everything at least not so clear in a room with only some pale moonlight and no lamps. „Listen…I really want to wait for K. I promised him to wait even I don’t know where he is, where he went or why…Could you tell Közi?“ To his surprise Kaya shook his head what made him look up again - why did the other looked so sad now? „Not your fault but we broke up. When he came home from tour we talked about everything and well…“ Kaya grimaced just looking away and Mana bit his lower lip - why did he still fell responsible? „You don’t have to worry about me, stupid. I said it’s fine.“ Mana just shook his head, before he studied Kayas face closely, not too surprised to see tears in his eyes. „You know…You could wait with me, if you want. Eternity is going to be long and I don’t even have any ideas about a vampire life just that I will need blood…“ And that he couldn’t get it here. But vampires were fast, so he wouldn’t need a week to find some humans again, would he? Kaya just smiled weakly, before ruffling his hair and to Manas own surprise he didn’t say anything about it - maybe because he could see that Kaya was heartbroken - maybe not exactly the same way that he was, but he was definitely hurt and he just couldn’t tell him to never ever touch his hair again. „I’ll have to stay with you anyways if you like it or not…It might take some years to teach you everything you need to know to live with humans again…One reason I’m really happy you choose this house.“ Mana rolled his eyes but nodded, before finally shrugging his shoulders. „Well. I thought there was nothing left that could scare me - of course that was before I realized that you followed me…“ A gently nudge to his shoulders made him grin and carefully he let his fingertips run over Kayas cheek. „Besides - I don’t care for social interactions…And without K there is nothing left for me among humans. I do love Közi but like he’s my stupid little brother or something like this but eventually I wanted him to be happy. And I knew he could never be happy with me around, because he would always try to unbreak my heart…“ Mana smiled sadly at his own words, cuddling Kaya even more. „I’m sorry that I caused you so much trouble, but I really want to stop running away at least for some years…“ Kaya just watched him, waiting, carefully lifting up his chin to look into Manas eyes. „If you let me, I’ll help you. Just for some years, until you find K again.“ This time, Mana was pretty sure he could feel how his mind drifted off but he managed to still, pulling Kaya closer to kiss him once more. „Until I find K again.“
