Mr-Zero: Beyond the BAKA

Bild des Tages \°O°/

Autor: Mr-Zero

Dumme Fragen - Dumme Antworten

Autor: Mr-Zero

Viel Spaß dabei^^

Was ist orange und geht über die Berge?
– Eine Wanderine.

Was ist orange und schaut durchs Schlüsselloch?
– Eine Spannderine.

Was ist violett und sitzt in der Kirche ganz vorne?
– Eine Frommbeere.

Was ist grün und liegt im Sarg?
– Ein Sterbschen.

Was ist bunt und läuft über den Tisch davon?
– Ein Fluchtsalat.

Was ist braun und schwimmt im Wasser?
– Ein U-Brot.

Was ist schwarz/weiß und hüpft von Eisscholle zu Eisscholle?
– Ein Springuin.

Was ist rot und sitzt auf dem WC?
– Eine Klomate.

Was ist braun und späht durchs Schlafzimmerfenster?
– Ein Spannzapfen.

Was ist weiß und springt im Wald umher?
– Ein Jumpignon.

Was ist braun, süß und rennt durch den Wald?
– Eine Joggolade.

Was ist braun und sitzt hinter Gittern?
– Eine Knastanie.

Was ist rot, rund und hat ein Maschinengewehr?
– Ein Rambodischen.

Was ist braun, knusprig und läuft mit dem Korb durch den Wald?
– Brotkäppchen.

Was ist braun, klebrig und läuft in der Wüste umher?
– Ein Karamel.

Was ist rot, sitzt in einer Konservendose und spielt Musik?
– Ein Radioli.

Was ist grün und radelt durch die Gegend?
– Eine Velone.

Was ist orange, tiefergelegt und hat einen Spoiler?
– Ein Mantarinchen.

Was ist gelb, krumm und schwimmt auf dem Wasser?
– Eine Schwanane.

Was ist orange und steckt traurig in der Erde?
– Ein Trübchen.

Was ist orange, sauer und kann keine Minute ruhig sitzen?
– Eine Zappelsine.

Was ist haarig und wird in der Pfanne fritiert?
– Bartkartoffeln.

Was ist gesund und kräftig und spielt den Beleidigten?
– Ein Schmollkornbrot.

Was steht im Schlafzimmer des Metzgers neben dem Bett?
– Ein Schlachttischlämpchen.

Was ist orange, rund und versteckt sich vor der Polizei?
– Ein Vandalinchen.

Was ist grün um schaut durchs Schlüsselloch?
– Ein Spionat.

Was ist gross, grau und telefoniert aus Afrika?
– Ein Telefant.

Was ist gelb und flattert im Wind?
– Eine Fahnane.

Was ist grün und klopft an die Tür?
– Ein Klopfsalat.

Was ist braun, sehr zäh und fliegt umher?
– Eine Ledermaus.

Was macht ‘Muh’ und hilft beim Anziehen?
– Ein Kuhlöffel.

Was ist viereckig, hat Noppen und einen Sprachfehler?
– Ein Legosteniker.

Was ist gelb und immer bekifft?
– Ein Bong-Frites.

Was ist grün, glücklich und hüpft von Grashalm zu Grashalm?
– Eine Freuschrecke.

Was ist ist braun, hat einen Beutel und hängt am Baum?
– Ein Hänguruh.

Was ist orange-rot und riskiert alles?
– Eine Mutorange.

Bild des Tages \°O°/

Autor: Mr-Zero

Bild des Tages \°O°/

Autor: Mr-Zero

Bürospiel: Traust du dich eh nicht!

Autor: Mr-Zero

Mit dem Bürospiel "Das traust Du Dich eh nicht"
werden wir alle viel mehr Spaß bei der Arbeit haben!

Uns so geht’s: Nach dem "Das traust Du Dich eh nicht" – Punktesystem gibt es für die nachstehenden Leistungen die genannten Punktzahlen. Wer am Tagesende die meisten Punkte hat, hat gewonnen:

1 Punkt gibt’s hierfür:

Eine Runde in voller Geschwindigkeit um alle Schreibtische laufen.

1. Laut im WC stöhnen und seufzen, während sich mindestens 1 Nichtspieler in der Toilette befindet.

2. Die ersten 5 Kollegen, die einen "Guten Morgen" wünschen, einfach ignorieren.

4. Jemanden in der Firma, den man nicht kennt, anrufen und sagen: "Ich wollte nur sagen, daß ich momentan keine Zeit habe zu reden." und auflegen.

5. Das Ende einer Unterhaltung durch das Zuhalten beider Ohren signalisieren.

6. Mindestens 1 Stunde mit offenem Hosenstall herum laufen.

7. Jeden der einen darauf hinweist mit der Bemerkung "Ich habe es aber lieber so" abkanzeln.

8. Den Weg zum und vom Kopierer seitwärts gehen.

9. Im Lift jedes Mal wenn die Tür aufgeht laut hörbar Luft holen.

3 Punkte gibt’s hierfür:

1. Zum Chef sagen "Ich finde Sie cool!" und dabei mit den Fingern eine abfeuernde Pistole imitieren.

2. Unverständliches Zeug auf einen Auszubildenden einreden und dann sagen: "Hast Du das alles verstanden? Ich hasse es, wenn ich mich wiederholen muss."

3. Sich selbst über die Lautsprecheranlage ausrufen, ohne die Stimme zu verstellen.

4. Wahllos laut Zahlen in den Raum rufen, wenn jemand etwas zählt.

5 Punkte gibt’s hierfür:

1. Am Ende einer Besprechung vorschlagen, dass alle zusammen händehaltend ein "Vater unser" beten. Extra Punkte gibt’s, wenn man selbst damit anfängt.

2. Abends in das Büro eines Workaholics gehen und während dessen Anwesenheit das Licht zehn mal aus und wieder anmachen.

3. Jeden, mit dem man spricht, mindestens eine Stunde lang "Herbert" nennen.

4. Bei der nächsten Besprechung laut ankündigen, dass man kurz raus muss, um "groß" zu machen.

5. Jeden Satz mit dem Wort "Alder" in einem ziemlich harten Akzent beenden. "Der Bericht liegt auf dem Tisch, Alder." Mindestens 1 Stunde durchhalten.

6. Während der Abwesenheit eines Kollegen dessen Stuhl in den Lift fahren.

7. Sich in einer Besprechung oder einer Gruppe wiederholt auf die Stirn schlagen und murmeln: "Seid doch mal ruhig! Ich wäre so froh wenn ihr alle mal endlich ruhig sein würdet."

8. In den Tagesplaner eines Kollegen eintragen: "Wie findest Du mich in Strumpfhosen?"

9. Die eigene Tastatur zu einem Kollegen tragen und fragen: "Willste mal tauschen?"

10. Folgende Unterhaltung mindestens 10 mal hintereinander mit irgendeinem Kollegen führen: "Hast Du das gehört?" – "Was?" – "Egal, ist nicht so wichtig."

11. In voller Kampfkleidung ins Büro kommen und wenn man nach dem Grund gefragt wird erwidern: "Ich darf nicht drüber reden."

12. Während einer wichtigen Telefon-Konferenz mit einem Akzent sprechen (sächsisch, hessisch, platt, bayrisch).

13. Klopapier aus der Hose hängen lassen und echt überrascht sein, wenn jemand darauf hinweist.

14. Den Teilnehmern bei einer Besprechung Kaffee und Kekse hinstellen und dann jeden Keks mit der Hand zerbröseln.

15. Während einer Besprechung langsam mit dem Stuhl immer näher zur Tür rutschen.

16. Playmobilfiguren bei Besprechungen gemäß der Sitzordnung anordnen und wenn jemand sich meldet oder was sagt die betreffende Figur dazu bewegen.

meow #3

Autor: Mr-Zero

Gleich mal nachmachen xD

+ sex69sex Vol.5 +

Autor: Mr-Zero

+ sex69sex Vol.5 +

K: Hello. It’s pa-oon Karyu.
Z: (laugh) Hello. This is Zero who is abused every night by pa-oon Karyu.
K: …I’m abusing you? That’s a bit of a shock!
Z: Yeah. So from now on I’m going to discipline you strictly so you become a more stable adult!
K: Pa-ooooooon!
Z: Don’t be so impatient. The fun stuff happens after we’re done with this.
K: Ye~s Sir. Lets get our act together. Today’s column is the answering everyone’s questions volume.
Z: Questions volume? …
K: First off, we have a question from Ayu who lives in Tokyo and is 17.
Z: Wait, her age and where she lives aren’t written there.
K: It’s alright. Don’t worry about little things.
Z: Okay. So, what’s the question?
K: What does ‘Exactly! (like a kitsune)’ mean?
Z: Hmmmm, I guess those people who don’t know shouldn’t worry about it.
K: They shouldn’t. Lets all grow into good adults.
Z: Next is Eki? …This is a question from Eki-san.
K: Where does she live? How old is she?
Z: I told you, it’s not written here.
K: Well can’t you just make something up?
Z: Well then, this is a question from Eki-san who is 15 and lives in Aomori-ken. Mmm… The first question, What kind of cell phone do you use?
K: No one in our band has a cell phone. When we want to get in touch, we send letters.
Z: It’s Docomo.
K: I said letters!
Z: No, it’s Docomo.

*

This argument continues for about 20 minutes.

*

K: Enough! Say whatever you want! I’m going there.

So saying, Karyu leaves the room.

Z: Hey! Don’t be pissy! Get back here.

*

Z: Since it looks like he is not coming back, I’ll go on to the next one. The second question. What does Hizumi have attached to his chest at concerts? Hizumi, what do you have attached to your chest?
H: Huh? What time do we have to be at the studio tomorrow?
Z: 7 o’clock. What do you wear on your chest?
K: No way!
Z: No way? Are you listening to what I’m saying?
H: *sighs* I’m getting tired. Well I’m heading home for the night. See ya tomorrow.
Z: Eh?!
H: Baiba~!
Z: HE really did go home. I guess that means it’s a secret. Well then, the third question. I would really like to see RAZOR on a CD. Since you’re peeking in from that door over there Karyu, what do you think?

*creek shuffle shuffle slam*

K: Hmmm… we gave out RAZOR as a free tape at a concert on 9/26 last year. We don’t have any plans to put it on CD.
Z: I guess that’s how it is. Please enjoy it at concerts.
K: Well, is it my turn next?
Z: Yep.
K: This is a question from Iyo-san who is 18 and lives in Hiroshima-ken. I want the members to violate me.
Z: (laughs)
K: I want to violate you.
Z: Hey! Don’t you want to be violated?
K: I want to be violated.
Z: Which one is it?
K: Either one. How about you?
Z: I want to tie people down.
K: You sadist!!
Z: You always look happy when you say that.
K: Yeah…
Z: And it’s nice when your eyes are bound, right?
K: Yeah… (feeling a little uncomfortable).
Z: Oh! You didn’t say Pa-oon.
K: Yeah, look forward to that after this is done.
Z: You’ve made some nice plans.
K: In exchange, you have to be rough.
Z: Okay, okay.

Karyu is all smiling and happy

K: Oh, Ito-san did you buy the CD like you should? We are selling it y mail-order as well as in stores so if you have not yet bought it please look at the notice.
Z: Wow! You’re serious today. Good! Once we’re done with this I’ll do something extra special for you.
K: Pa…pa… fu
Z: You restrained yourself, didn’t you?
K: I did.
Z: Good. Well, while Karyu is being serious, lets go on to the next.
K: This is the rest of Iyo-san’s question. I can’t go to concerts and the CD was sold out and I couldn’t buy it. Have I lost my status as a fan?
Z: No, you haven’t really lost it, I think.
K: Exactly. Since you love D’espairsRay like a fan should.
Z: Yes!! And as far as that goes, we have that line Karyu always says!!
K: I love you guys!!
Z: So you guys, please love D’espairsRay even more.
K: Especially me!!
Z: Yeah, whatever.
K: …Did I get a little too worked up?
Z: Eh, it’s cool.
K: Yeah, it’s cool. A-And, I want to tell you guys where to send fanletters. Where is it now?
Z: We changed to a new address recently. Please send them to:

D’espairsRay
4-xx-4-xxx Nakaochiai
Shinjuku-ku, Tokyo
161-xxxx (note: this address is no longer accurate.)

Thank you!

K: Tank fu!
Z: Tank fu?
K: I told you, don’t worry about little things like that. You’re kinda strange today.
Z: No, you’re the strange one.
K: Oh! I saw something really cool!! (Ignoring Zero)
Z: What?
K: It’s a question, or I guess a message, from Miya-san who is 17 and lives in Tokyo.
Z: So, what is it?
K: Karyu-san is really cool!!
Z: Really?
K: Don’t take such a jaundiced view!
Z: I’m not!
K: Well, you have a long life in front of you so I’m sure something good will come your way.
Z: What are you saying? You make it sound like there’s been nothing good in my life so far.
K: Have there been any good things?
Z: …
K: See? There aren’t any.
Z: Well… I mean… There’s the fact that right now I’m in D’espairsRay.
K: Oh!! That gives me the warm and fuzzies!
Z: Doesn’t it?
K: I think.
Z: Hey!
K: Anyway, lets go on to the next one. Oh, thank you Miya-san. Please continue to cheer me on.
Z: Okay, the next question… oh, I’ll give this to you.
Z: A question from Chachamaru Gyaruson who live in Fukuyama and is 16. What is the standard for “ero?” (note: Erotic is shorted to ero in Japanese and because it comes in later I’m using the Japanese form.)
K: Hmm.. That’s a good question. And I, the most erotic of all the members, shall answer it. The basis of “ero” is definitely stripping. First show the foot.
Z: Ooo!!
K: Next the arms.
Z: Umhmm, umhmm
K: Next the breasts.
Z: Sounds go~od
K: Last xxx.
Z: Hey.
K: Also, if you take the Z from Zero you get “ero”.
Z: That’s not intentional.
K: You little pervert. (sounding excited)
Z: You’re just saying whatever you want, aren’t you!
K: Hmm… I feel refreshed
Z: Is that so?
K: It’s so.
Z: I give up. What’s with you?
K: I’m Karyu.
Z: I know that!
K: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Z: I’m talking about you.
K: Come on, come on. Lets calm down and go on to the next one.
Z: Well then get going.
K: A question from Muika-san who is 18 and lives in Kanagawa-ken. Zero-san has become remarkably beautiful. Is he in love? Why has he become so beautiful?
Z: No, I’m not in love.
K: You’ve been hiding things from me.
Z: I said I’m not in love. Really!
K: Well that’s what he says. It seems like you’re being fooled by the make-up. Everyone should be very careful.
Z: What are they supposed to be careful of?
K: That they aren’t tricked by the make-up.
Z: Jerk!
K: Yep! I’m a jerk.
Z: …
K: Don’t worry about it. I’m right here.
Z: I’m right here? …Forget it. Lets get on to the next one.
K: The next one is mine.
Z: Mine? Well then, a question from Ayane-san who is 17 and lives in Chiba-ken. It says Please tell us the scary story that happened during recording.
K: I-I don’t really want to think about it.
Z: Yeah, I know.
K: It was like a nightmare. I think it was on some magazine’s I-mode site, so please read it there. I’m sorry.
Z: Sorry.
K: Well then, the next question. It’s Tell us a memory or happening from a tour
Z: That’s something I can’t forget even now. It happened when we were headed to Kumagaya Vogue on 8/30.
K: Oh, that.
Z: We thought we were going to be late for our set so we were speeding along at over 80 mph (130 kph).
K: And then suddenly.
Z: The car let out white smoke and stopped.
K: We took a picture of us standing next to the car looking like idiots.
Z: (laugh) We did. We did. So we called a tow-truck
K: And we took the tow-truck to Kumagaya Vogue.
Z: It’s become a bit of a legend. Our arrival that day.
K: I’m sure no one but D’espairsRay could do it.
Z: I’m sure. (laugh)
K: And now we’ve passed on the legend
Z: Now we can laugh about it.
K: Yeah. But that day we thought we wouldn’t be able to play our show.
Z: Yeah.
K: The end. That was our big happening while on tour.
Z: Well then next is Karyu’s turn.
K: O~kay. A question from Natsu-san who is 16 and lives in Kakano-ken. Are the members looking after the K in kitsune properly?
Z: Well, almost.
K: Almost?
Z: We’re not looking after him.
K: That’s what I thought.
Z: Yep.
K: Okay, next question.
Z: Umm… That next question is from Yuki-san who is 20 and lives in Osaka. If you were going to start a shop, what kind of shop would you like to own? Should we ask all the members this question? Lets start with Hizumi-san.
H: A book shop for me.
T: Probably an izakaya (Japanese pub). Like “I’ll get that for you right away.”
K: I don’t know. I think you’d drink at your own place.
H: And then you’d be drunk and your customers would leave without paying.
Z: It would so happen.
T: It would not! What about you Zero-kun?
Z: I’d open a flower shop.
K: Wow! You can say that kind of embarrassing thing in front of strangers?
Z: Well what would you do Karyu?
K: I’d open a video shop.
H: One specializing in porn, I bet.
T: Yeah.
Z: And Tsukatchi would be your regular customer.
H: And you’d have stuff that was crazy.
T: Wrong. I think the story is really important. Although they can be a little crazy.
K: Stuff with tutors and such.
T: What? I just noticed you. I thought you had gone home.
H: fufufu… I have the power to make my aura disappear.
K: I have the power to make people notice but pretend they don’t.
Z: I have the power to make people think that I went home so that they pretend they don’t’ know, but because he’s pitiable, I’ll talk to him anyway.
T: Well I… I…
K: Okay. On to the next question. A question from Yuriyuri-san who is 17 and lives in Kyoto. The first part: What are some things you dislike?
H: I don’t really have any.
K: Umm… Mine is ghosts.
Z: You really can’t go in scary places. (laugh) I don’t like seafood.
H: You need to get over stuff like that.
Z: No, that stuff isn’t fit for people to eat!
K: That’s no good! Eat it!
Z: You say, “Eat it!” but you don’t eat fish either, do you?
K: I eat sushi.
Z: I eat sushi too.
H: You only eat squid sushi.
T: Yeah, only squid.
Z: Squid’s good.
H: It’s good, but…
Z: It’s swee~et and melts in your mouth.
K: Don’t talk about squid!
Z: Well, then lets get on to the next one.
K: Oh! It’s between Doraemon and Korosuke.
T: We gotten to my era.
K: Listen to me! Which would you rather have Doraemon or Korosuke? (note: They are both robots from manga.)
T: Well, for me, I would like Doraemon who can make all sorts of tools for me.

*

Tsukatchi talks about Doraemon for about ten minutes

*

K: Gah! I’m sick of this. Lets go on to the next one.
T: Hey, wait a minute. I’m just getting to the important part!
H, K, Z: Rejected!
Z: The next one is from someone living abroad. It’s a question, no a message, from Kinoko, Hitoe-san who is 20. Ah! It’s a little long so I can’t write it here, but thank you for the long message. We will all read it so please feel free to send another.
K: Wait a minute! There’s a question in here too!!
Z: Yes, there is. This is a question for Karyu-san. What do you want for your birthday?
K: Umm… Love.
H: Bullshit!
K: It’s not!
T: Love is nice
K: Isn’t it?
Z: By the way, Karyu’s birthday is December 7th.
H: I’m March 2nd
T: Mine’s four days after that on March 6th
Z: I’m four months after that on July 31st.
K: What a greedy band.
Z: No we aren’t because we all want love.
T: Yeah!
H: Yep… probably.
Z: No, it’s not “probably!” Well, lets just go on to the next one. Karyu.
K: Umm… The next one is from Yuuko-san who is 18 and lives in umm… Aichi-ken. When fans wait for you before and after shows is it a bother or does it make you happy?
Z: It makes me truly happy.
H: Yeah, exactly.
K: I’m sad when no one’s there.
T: It looks like everyone likes it.
K: Oh, wait, there’s a message too. “I really like Zero-san.”
Z: Eh? Thank you.
K: Don’t just say “thank you,” you badly
Z: What does being bald have to do with anything? Besides, I’m not bald, it’s shaved.
K: Bald is bald.
Z: You guys are the ones who shaved it!
H: Yeah, that was fun.
K: Yeah that was the first time I had done something like that.
T: (laughs) That was funny.
Z: You’re making me into a joke. I’ll remember this.
H: No way.
Z: No way!?
H: Well, I think I’m going to head home.
Z: You’re probably going to say that and then only pretend to go home again.
H: No, I’m really going to go home.
T: Yeah, I’m starting to get tired too.
H: See ya.
T: Bye

*

Z: Looks like they really left.
K: At last it’s just the two of us.
Z: Yep. We just have two more questions and then we can do what we’ve been looking forward to.
K: Okay! Lets go! The question, no it’s a message. A message from 15 year old Rei-san from Aichi-ken. I look forward to this every month. Please continue to work hard. Thank you for listening to Teraazu (internet radio show) every month.
Z: Yeah. We’ll do our best so please continue to support us at concerts and on this column and please continue to listen to Teraazu.
K: Thank you. But next month is a special issue. We’ll have an exhibit of Tsukatchi’s art.
Z: Eh! We’re really going to do that?
K: We are. Tsukatsa said it’s all right.
Z: Well it looks like that’s what’s going on. Please tell us what you think of Tsukatchi’s art. And please send us questions. Well we’re down to the last question… or rather, message. It’s from 18 year old Akero-san who lives in London (that’s the truth). Hmm… It says boku so I guess it’s a guy. I live in London, so would you please do a show here?
K: Okay, lets go.
Z: You really think you should be saying that kinda stuff?
K: …maybe
Z: Weak.
K: We’ll go someday.
Z: This won’t happen anytime soon.
K: You have to dream big!
Z: Yeah. I really would like to do a concert overseas.
K: Yeah.
Z: I hope we’re able to do it someday.
K: that’s why I said we’ll do it.
Z: Yeah, okay.
K: If we become an awesome band and go to London, come see us.
Z: Yeah, when that happens, come see us.
K: London’s a little far away but, we’re really happy that we have people supporting us from that far away. Pwease continue to support us.
Z: (laugh) Pwease.
K: Whew! We’re done.
Z: Yep. It’s the time we’ve been waiting for, but since we aren’t going to turn off the lights tonight, we have to finish this column first.
K: Oh, that’s right. Thank you for all the messages and questions. We’re going to continue to take questions and messages so please send them.
Z: Next month, like we said earlier, we plan to show Tsukatchi’s pictures, so we’ll be taking a break but please look at his pictures. I think he’d like to hear from your thoughts on them, so please send them.
K: Hurry up!!!!

*

And tonight, without turning out the lights, Karyu’s hands and eyes were bound and they intertwined even more tempestuously then usual.