One
Himchan POV
The time without Yongguk by my side passed fast. Too fast on the one hand as it was painful for me thinking about him and that he really didn‘t give a damn..on the other hand I was glad that I could be sure about him not hurting me anymore.
I was a free man and could do whatever I wanted, with whom I wanted and when. My friends were surprised that I got over him so fast. The bothering thing was just that they could only see my facade I put on everyday. I felt bad about it.
As for I gave him my heart, my love and just everything I got to see him happy he didn‘t give me anything but a little of his time.
A week after I left Yongguk I was deeply hurt, broken, thinking that he‘d call me, wished that I came back but of course he didn‘t. I seperated from him and our friends- though I really missed everyone- and hung out with old friends again, friends I never really was sure what exactly they wanted and how much I could trust them.
One of them became my boyfriend shortly after. He cared for me like Yongguk never did- even though it just felt different and it scared me. I had the feeling that it wasn‘t right, that I shouldn‘t be in a relationship and that my heart still craved for Yongguk, but I wanted the pain to end.
I didn‘t want to be the fragile boy who couldn‘t get over a break up, nonetheless how painful it had been.
It started off perfectly- like it did with Yongguk but just better. He told me how much he loved me more than needed and held me in moments I had a mental break-down or just a bad day.
For a very short time I was able to forget the pain Yongguk brought me..but then, of course, I had to be unlucky again.
After an incident in a club- I had spotted Yongguk, Daehyun and Youngjae together. They seemed so happy. Even Yongguk. And the thoughts of him being happy without me filled my head again. I cried the whole night, didn‘t even try to regain my strength and let everything out- how much I still loved him, how much I missed him and also, how much I hated him for being the world biggest idiot I‘ve ever met.
This night I had a terrible fight with him- my boyfriend- as he thought that I only played him the whole time to get over Yongguk and that he should have never trusted me.
Even though he apologized the morning after it got worse with every day of my live.
We argued a lot. The trust faded even more.
And then the night came.
Again, we were in a club, just after another fight and had fun, trying to get over it when I spottet him again.
He went to the bar, together with Daehyun and my heart sank. I tried to ignore it, smiling at my boyfriend with the best smile I could bring up at that moment but he‘d already seen Yongguk.
A deep sigh escaped his lips as he took my hand, guiding me to a more quiet part and turned to face me.
We talked.
A lot.
I was afraid as I thought that he‘d kill me for hurting his feelings again by thinking about Yongguk directly after our fight‘d just ended. But we just talked.
That it‘d be better if we let it be, we weren‘t meant to be together.
Hearing those words coming out of his mouth I tried my hardest to remain silent, not to cry in front of him.
The only thing I could do was to nod, again I was just not good enough. This time for a man who had just a too good heart though.
He didn‘t want to talk to me for a while, just because he really wanted to get over me.
As we left the club together- there was no sign of the others anymore anyways- we held hands for the last time. We hugged each other for the last time.
He kissed me the last time and told me that he really loved me.
Then he turned around and got into a cap, leaving me alone.
Again.
I decided to take a walk for clearing my mind.
I also started crying, though.
Why couldn‘t my heart just turn down the feelings for Bang Yongguk, the man that obviously never really loved me and who also left my heart in broken peaces?
I don‘t remember how long I had been walking, but in the end I ended up at the Han river, the beautiful few of the steady water which reflected the lights of the town and where so many couples were. It broke my heart again and I had to hold back the tears wich threatened to spill once more.
Whatsoever, not long after I sat down my phone started to ring and I sighed, taking it out of my jeans pocket pocket and looked at the caller ID.
It was Daehyun.
My brow raised itself on its own as I took a deep breath and answered the call. Why would Daehyun call me after all this time and also..at this time?
„Hello?“
My voice sounded weak and I wanted to kick myself for showing off how broken I was- again. He had always been a good friend. I always talked with him about everything and then I cut the contact because of stupid Yongguk.
„Himchannie..?“
He also sounded weak and- as if a switch had been pressed I started to worry.
„Hyung, are you there..?“
I nodded but recalled that he couldn‘t even see me so I answered after a few seconds.
„Yeah....I‘m here. What‘s up? You don‘t sound too well, Daehyunnie..“
Another short silence, then he laughed softly.
„Says the one who‘d been crying..?“
Of course.
He always figured when I had been crying. He‘d always hear the bitterness my voice gave off and it really seemed like he was the only one on this earth who always cared, no matter how his feelings were at those moments.
As I didn‘t response he laughed again, but this time was different. He still didn‘t sound as if he was in the mood to laugh and yet he still did- I wondered what had happened so I asked.
„What‘s wrong? You really don‘t sound well...“
Although we hadn‘t spoken in centuries I still could feel the bound between us- the confiness that only we could share after such a long time.
„Himchan...I need you to do me a favor...and please don‘t freak out“
•
I bit my lower lip.
Why did I have to agree with this stupid idea..?
My feet were glued to the ground, my fist just a few millimeters away from the wooden door I so badly didn‘t want to knock at.
„I know you probably don‘t want to speak to Yongguk again after what had happened. But, Himchan...even though I am fully on your side, you‘re not the only one suffering after the break-up. Yongguk does nothing but stare blankly only he and God knows where, you can‘t talk with him anymore without him disconnecting with the task we‘re talking about and..as soon as one of us just mentions your name he is off again. I don‘t know if you saw us this evening because we did see you- and he really looked like killing this guy you were dancing with“
I repeated his words over and over again in my mind, not sure wether to believe him or not.
„I...I just want you two to be back together. He loves you, Himchan. He really does. He‘s just not the one of words and you know that. Maybe you just need to talk to him again, he‘s week deep inside especially after tonight. I know you‘re not over him yet and nor is he. He needs you.“
Again I took a deep breath, straightened my posture and finally used the doorbell.
My heart rate increased and I waited a few moments.
Nothing.
Another jingle and a bad feeling overcoming me. Maybe I really should have never come back. So many memories.
Our apartment...but he sure as hell already threw all my remaining stuff into the trash and claimed it as his own apartment, finally rid of me...
After nothing was heard I started to bite my lower lip again and gave it another try- I didn‘t want him to be asleep. I freaking came here in the middle of the night, in the middle of spending my unworthy time in spilling tears.
Then I heard something.
From inside.
Hopefully I didn‘t wake him, because then he‘d be pissed like always when someone woke him without a reason. And mine wasn‘t the best at all, without knowing if he really wanted to talk.
For the last time I pressed the doorbell and smiled a little, thinking about him- no matter if he had been sleeping or not- being grumpy and not happy at all to have an uninvited guest at this late time.
As the door opnened I was sure my heart stopped for a second- and then he already stood in front of me, completely opening his door and also his mouth to probably protest, but the words never came out.
Again, a small smile formed on my lips even though I didn‘t want to- but I couldn‘t control.
„Hello, Gukkie...“
