Takano…” he started a last try. “Is it that bad spending time with me?” Takanos face expression went a little sad. “No! That’s not it, it’s just…”Ritsu, you’re in love with me, aren’t you? Then could you please stop acting as if you hate me?” Takano somehow sounded a little desperate, though his face didn’t show much of his emotions. “I-I never said that…” Ritsu turned his face to the ground, so Takano couldn’t see his feelings reflecting in his eyes. “I never told you that I love you, so could you please stop jumping to conclusions?” Ritsu felt the tears rolling down his cheeks... Why did this hurt so much? It would be the best, wouldn’t it? He had to end this, he knew it would be pain, but staying together would be worse, wouldn’t it? Takano looked very shocked, as if he couldn’t believe what Onodera was telling him. “You did…” His voice wasn’t much more than a whisper. “Back then in highschool you said it many times…” “Maybe my feelings have changed? Maybe I’m not lying?” Onodera now was shouting while his tears dropped to the ground. Takano’s eyes looked wet as well… Ritsu never had seen such an expression on his face. He should stop this! He should just apologize and end that fight. “Maybe I never loved you!” No! That’s not what he wanted to say… “Ummmm ehhh I-I mean, I…” He looked at Takano’s face and felt total panic! What was that horrible expression on his face? It looked like he was stabbed with a knife… Takano turned his face to the ground, tears were rolling along the pale skin. In this moment Ritsu just wanted to wipe them away. He never had seen him cry… not once. “Takano…” It was terrible to see him hurt like this. “Alright.” His voice cut the silence like a knife. “Understood. I’ll leave you alone” his answer was cold as ice, without any emotions, while his tears were falling down… “Ritsu immediately regretted what he had said. “Takano, I’m sorry, I…” “It’s ok, well it will be ok one day, even if it takes another 10 years or something…” he gave a sarcastic snort, which broke Ritsu’s heart into a thousand pieces. “Anyway, it’s nothing to bother you.” Takano made his way to the door and opened it. Ritsu just stood there, paralyzed… How could he have told him such horrible lies? As Takano started to close the door, Ritsu’s arm suddenly moved forward, reaching out for him. He touched his shoulder, which felt unexpectedly weak “Takano! Wait!” Takano looked at him with a sad smile, the eyes cold as ice. “What for?” he shook off his hand and slammed the door.
Neither Ritsu nor Takano went to sleep. Several times Ritsu got up and slipped in his shoes to go to him and apologize. But every time he did, his courage finally left him and he went to bed again, just to lie there, open eyed, not being able to fall asleep. The situation was just too awkward… He felt the tears rolling down his face and curled up. His stomach had never ached that much or was it his heart? “Maybe I never loved you!” That’s what he had shouted… He felt like throwing up and pressed his arm into his belly. He had seen his tears… he never ever had seen him cry. Even when his parents were about to divorce, he was still acting cool. How much must he have hurt him to make him cry in front of him? He didn’t even want to think about this question…
